Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Annoyed
For the past week I've been annoyed at a variety of folks, some actively in my life, some not. I'm annoyed at a superior who lacks knowledge of ridiculously essential information about our company and relies on me to provide it for him. I'm annoyed at my mother who calls me to mock a friend of mine who was the subject of a scathing article in the newspaper (she doesn't know he's my friend.) I'm temporarily annoyed at Afina for sending me a detailed email about the state of her pregnancy and shopping around for daycare places and getting teary-eyed over pre-schoolers reading silently in the corner of the room. Damn it, I want that sensitive, bookish child! I'm annoyed by a friend of mine who also knows my father and my husband really well. The last conversation I had with Terrance, I said we should all get together for dinner to catch up and he should give me a call. That was several weeks ago. I got a call from Terrance last week. He left a message saying, "...I've owed you a call for a while now. Hey, I have a question for you. Would your company be interested in donating some items for a charity event I'm managing?" It's taken me a week to move a muscle on this issue given how slighted I feel about this move on his part.
I know that life is far from fair but it's hitting me pretty hard lately. This concept in my head that I might be the victim of asymptomatic endometriosis makes me lose faith in what I thought my state of health was for the last twenty years. I'll spare the long, drawn out self-pity session until this diagnosis is confirmed but shouldn't somebody, somewhere in middle school, high school, my ivy l.eague college, a random party, anything mentioned that this affliction exists and stamps out fertility in unsuspecting women???
Since I'm calculating that I have a 50/50 chance of having ovarian endometria that's blocking ovulation, either outcome of surgery is hardly enjoyable. 1) Yes, you have it (and you've had it for a long time, sucker.) 2) No, you don't have it and I don't know why you're not getting pregnant. I think option two would put me in one of the rarest causes of female infertility, but my mind goes to the rarest, infinitesimally rare possibilities.
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:( I am sorry things are rough. I understand the mixed emotions surrounding potential dx-in myself and my son (today I was like, please tell me something is wrong with him so I can fix it and we can both sleep! No such luck...) It is def hard to deal with, but I have to say that you can't control the past, but moving forward is important and I hope that you get some news that helps you do that. Hang in there, I am praying things get a little easier around there!
ReplyDeleteGrrr. I hate when people are lame. Sorry you are dealing with them. For some reason right before I had my lap I just had this "feeling" they were going to find endo (even though I didn't have symptoms of that- just the PCOS). I know, very scientific, right? Anyway, it was great that they just zapped it then and there, although I do wonder how long I will be able to go endo free or if another lap is in my future.
ReplyDeleteUgg is right. Sorry about the whole possibly endometriosis, but I totally get that it might be (and I know...that is a cruel phrase on its own)...that it might be an explanation. I was thinking about you last night when I looked down at the medal of St. Elizabeth Ann Seton on my rosary. I will continue to ask her to intercede for you. Oh, and in regards to your question on my blog - I was tested for celiac-sprue a couple of weeks ago and one of the tests came back (there were 2) came back positive for gluten intolerance - not full blown celiac - which I was pretty certain it would not be. I was even surprised I tested positive for a gluten intolerance. Anyway, it has been gluten free for me for the last 9 days. It is getting easier and I have seen some dramatic changes - not in terms of weight - I wish, but in terms of mental clarity, decrease in anxiety, etc. All good things in my book. Okay, I am rambling long enough, talk to you later and God Bless!
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