Saturday, January 26, 2013


Thank you so much for your prayers.  Things have calmed down a bit, I guess.  I shared my concerns about my mother with her doctor's office manager.  We talked on Thursday.  She said she'd talk to the dr. who I should probably name however I don't want a libel suit against me.  However, I didn't hear from the manager on Friday.  I'll try to reach her next week.

My father continues to insist this third party relationship was not physical.  I'm actually starting to believe him.  I think it was a close, albeit inappropriate friendship.  No one is to say what's unacceptable to any person/spouse.  But I think my father was driven to talk to someone sympathetic.  Either way, my parents are not good for one another right now.

I had lunch with my father yesterday.  He said he appreciated that I and one of my siblings had taken his side in this. :)  I said emphatically, we're not taking anybody's side (other than God's).  Everybody's a sinner and both he and my mother have made mistakes and created problems.  So, I told him not to take that attitude that he's in the right and she's in the wrong.

My dad's seeing a doctor on Monday to make an initial assessment of his cognitive abilities.  I guess I'm dismayed that my parents are having problems of this nature at a relatively young age.  Their parents were just have kinda similar problems between 10 and 5 years ago.  So, not hardly a generational gap.  I thought I'd have at least another 10-15 years before I had to deal with elder care issues.

I'm very impressed that my brothers and sisters have all taken significant action.  We all finally agree for the first time in our lives.  I'm happy about that.

My husband gave notice yesterday and will start his new job in two weeks.  He told his parents last night and they were concerned about the "stability" of this new job.  Heck, what's stable anyway these days?  We're meeting in the middle tomorrow for brunch and his brother is at the family home so right now, the four of them are cozy together.  I'll let them have their nuclear family this weekend.

My school is going OK.  Keeping up with everything alright so far.  I am thinking about contesting the writing exam requirement since I've already written eight papers and did the first two with a perfect score so why do I need to take a $35 test?  What a joke.

All in all I'm feeling pretty happy.  Just because things in life are bad on a relative basis, I think there's a lot you can be positive about.  So, I'm positive.  I'm grateful for the pain because so far, I and we have always emerged.  And God continues to bless me in incredible ways.  I'm thankful today.

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

End of the Innocence

On Friday my mother told me my father has engaged in a twenty year affair.  My father has told me and my siblings different stories about the state of my parents marriage and this third party so I don't know what to believe.  I have always considered my father the better parent and really my hero in life just after my husband.  To say I'm devastated is taking it a bit too far but I am very confused and sad for our entire family including the small children who will live with the shame to some extent for the rest of their lives.

What doesn't make sense is that my father was always around.  He's still around.  He has been what I consider a very devoted partner for my mother.  No child, no matter how old should hear what I've heard from my mother.  She's devastated but I think, is only making matters worse.  I think she's in shock.  They are not open to my advice.  I suggested they go to Retrouvaille because, believe me, many of those couple have survived affairs.  They know what the pain feels like.  But it's not really pain, it's insanity.  You lose all sense of reality when your spouse cheats on you.  However, my mother made it freakingly clear in a terribly articulate voice, "This is not a problem with our marriage.  It is your father's problem."  Sadly, this is not true.

So, I feel a tremendous amount of compassion towards both of them, mostly my mother although my Retrouvaille friends suggest I show love towards my father which I haven't been able to do the last few days.

OK, so here's the really dirty secret.  For at least eight years, my mother has been a d.rug add.ict.  Presc.ription but nonetheless.  She's been practically bou.nd for the same period of time.    I had tried to do an intervention about five or six years ago but my father would not participate and the interventionist said, "No spouse, no go."  Just last week I asked my father to take some action and he refused.  He always says my mother is too smart to go along with treatment.  Intelligence only gets you so far.

Secrets abound in my family.  I learn something new everyday about what random family member confessed to another but nobody knows if what was confessed is the truth.  I never had a perfect family but I thought it was pretty good.

I called my mother today to ask her, naively, how she was doing.  She said my father needed to see a geriatric doctor.  I asked her who would make the appointment.  "You or your sis.ter.  I've been cheated on for twenty years, why should I do it?"  My siblings, in my view, don't take as much action as me.  I won't detail the ridiculous issue they've chosen to focus on to distract them from real life issues.  I can't bring myself to actually type the words.  Believe me, it's crazy.  But my mother hung up on me and told me I'd said a horrible thing about my sibling.  I guess I'm in the dog house now.

I pray every chance I get.  It's practically every minute.  I resolved not to call them for at least a few days.  I thought about sending a card just to say, "I love you both.  I and lots of other people are praying for you."

I'm open to good advice.  It's been clear just how important God can be to a person.  If you keep God in mind, how can you do wrong?

Monday, January 14, 2013

Thank you! Blogger Angels

You ladies did it!!!!  My husband got a verbal offer today.  And it's very good and we're taking the night off to bask in the glow of success and will discuss the logistics tomorrow.  Besides, I have a paper to finish tonight.  So, your selfless prayers did this.  I'm convinced.

And most importantly, my weekend was horrible.  Really bad.  I couldn't get to sleep last night because I had a hard time forgiving myself for what I'd done.  However, I was so glad I posted Saturday evening.  Because your comments that you so quickly posted lifted me out of an extreme sadness.  You saved me.  You did.  And I love you.  I couldn't believe what being a part of this virtual community has done for me and my faith.  What you do in taking care of your husbands, your kids, your families, and your friends is truly godly.  And the fact that you offer prayers for little ole me is astonishing.  So, I give thanks to God for you.  Despite all my faults and bad deeds, the love keeps coming from all corners.  And I love my infertile blogger corner. :)

Saturday, January 12, 2013

I can't get joy

The plans for my husband to take this job closer to home is still in the works.  Maybe we'll hear something definite next week.  Two weeks ago, I started my masters program so my desire to write in my blog has not been so acute.  Learning again how to write a research paper caused quite a bit of anxiety.  Essentially, all my free time is taken up by my classes so this is a definite shift in my life.  I really hope it will be worth it down the road.  I'm still not convinced higher education is not a total conspiracy and I'm just contributing to it.  The thousands of dollars flowing out my bank account doesn't feel good but it does make me work harder since it's our money!

Oh, and a tidbit I thought was interesting.  Apparently, those Americans that take the adoption tax credit are more likely to be audited by the IRS.  Another way to kick a hard-working, loving couples down.  So, you can thank King Putin and the American government for supporting you in your desire to love and raise a child that desperately needs it.