Friday, August 20, 2010

Under pressure, you and I

My period came at the worst possible time.  My husband is the Chairman of a Board of Direc.tors at a publicly traded company.  Yes, I'm very proud of his position but most of all the work he does on behalf of the company and its shareholders.  He's taken risks to benefit the company that the other directors, who are staid, have never undertaken.  My husband has always done the right thing.  But no good deed ever goes unpunished.

He's been notified that the other directors are taking steps to remove him as Chairman.  Although he'll remain on the board, this is obviously a devastating event that has upset him and me greatly.

At the same time, I've been grappling with my own sad circumstances.  I asked Dr. Liz to write a prescription for a three month BCP.  That's what I was on before we learned NFP, so two and a half years ago.  I can't take CD 1 or 2 anymore.  It breaks my heart.  The cramps, the mood drop, it's too much for me.  I just want four periods a year.  I don't want this anymore.

Everybody and the world called me this morning while running errands.  [I'm grateful, really that people want to talk to me.]  This included my mother.  She, the arch-feminist who helped me at age 9, (I still can't believe this) prepare to debate an adult from Operation Rescue (remember those guys?)  I thought I did a really great job arguing at such a young age.  I was the pro-choice position.  In retrospect I find that a nine year-old should not be participating on any side of that issue.  My mother told me that it took she and my Dad a year and a half to get pregnant, then subsequently had an ectopic pregnancy and a miscarriage.  Then, they went to a diaphragm before having a number of later successful, healthy pregnancies.  She told me that a barrier method might be a better choice to "take the pressure off" rather than a hormone-alteration method.

After that, I headed into the parish office to to purchase a mass intention for "infertile couples."  Since they never talk about it, I felt like bringing up the issue.  As a former Protestant paying for something at Church feels very weird, but I happily paid the fee.  Before I went to pick up the BCP, the ladies in the office encouraged me to spend some time praying in Mary's garden.  I did.  We talked about St. Gianna.  And felt I could gather some strength to keep the faith.

But as a convert, I'm not quite there yet.

It's been hard.  With both my husband and I at our lowest, we weren't the best support for one another.  And now I've been given a break for the night.

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