I think this is an oft not discussed topic for us infertility bloggers and definitely not on Ash Wednesday but here goes. My main reason for resenting my status as a subfertile is that it most certainly stresses our sexual relationship. Two people can't be on the same page all the time and things might come up like work stress or maybe he hurt my feelings or maybe I made him angry or he's not in the mood at fertile time (even though I might technically be not in the mood at fertile time, I force myself but he does not feel that compunction.)
The window of opportunity is dang short and we've only got at most twelve tries in a year that to let one month slip by is almost unthinkable. Sure, we skipped last month with the final Clomid dose disaster but that was more for purity of my soul. What makes me sad is that he sees BDing as work. He doesn't seem to get that I'm doing the very best I can to make those times great experiences where I hope he feels he got something out of it. Intellectually, it can't make sense that it's work (when did sex become unpleasurable?) so is he just trying to hurt my feelings by saying that it is? I mean how do you come back from that?
It's already a delicate situation with both of our work schedules crazy busy and seriously challenging. I guess I'm looking at Lent as more of a burden than a blessing. I just hope and perhaps you can pray that I'm able to weather this personal storm and come out of it with some amount of grace. Marriage can be very trying on the soul sometimes.
I completely understand. My DH said the same thing when we were TTC. He really never had a strong desire to be a parent - to him it was "if it happens it happens. If it doesn't, I'm not going to do anything about it." It was definitely difficult at times. At times I would just stop discussing it. I had to try and put my desire for a child aside and let him know that even if we never had a child, I would still love him. I think that by showing him that he was more important to me than getting pregnant he knew that I loved him more than anything else. Yes, it was difficult, but if you ask God for the strength to be a loving wife and to help you not concentrate on all the signs your body is giving you, God will provide and your relationship with your husband will grow stronger. Try to show a desire for your husband even when it is not fertile time. I promise, it will help! I will pray for you tonight. I hope lent will become a blessing for you in the end.
ReplyDeleteUGH. I totally understand. It really does affect your relationship. I never ever in my right mind thought I would have to plan out such events as TTC. It's supposed to just happen. We aren't supposed to become so obsessed with it but we can't help it. I'm praying for this over Lent for myself and will include you as well sweetie. HUGS
ReplyDeleteI agree!! If infertility isn't making it feel like a chore, its forcing you to take looooooooooooong breaks (i.e. surgery recovery). With everything else that IF takes from us, it's frustrating that it also takes this special bond and turns it into a forced chore.
ReplyDeleteand Satan definitely knows how to take advantage of the situation!
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