Lauren gave me a good excuse to write about something else that is on my mind today. Is it Satan or is it me? I most certainly believe that Satan exists and he's trying to wreak havoc across the world. The Scr.ewtape Lett.ers is one of my most favorite books. C. S. Lewis rocks to the core. However, my negative tendencies I can attribute only to myself since I can see I inherited many of these characteristics.
My bite is the same if not worse than my bark. No matter if I've just barked or just bit, I have a very strong flight response. I can barely sit still especially if I'm sitting for something that doesn't interest me at all or I'm sitting for someone else other than me. I am very selfish and have to make very conscious decisions to give and share. I am demanding. I'm writing as if this is kind of funny to me but it's really not and I'm sure I've hurt lots of people because of my behavior.
I tend to believe it's time and getting older that helps me control myself better. A couple of times I've tried to pray in the middle of a meltdown but that's a huge, major struggle and reason always loses. I think that's where Satan is stepping in, when I've decided to bite instead of trying to calm down. And I think it's me up until that point. I heard a sermon a few years back where the pastor said, "It doesn't matter if you were born with a sparkling, sweet personality or an angry one, being a Christian means you act as an example of Christ's love all the time. You don't pass just because you are naturally good, it has to be a conscious decision to manifest Christ." This might be hard for us that woke up on the wrong side of the bed, but it stand true all the same.