For several weeks I'd been contemplating an email to Jack slicing him for neglecting our friendship to the point of whithering death. I don't shy away from telling people who've upset or hurt me how I feel. I used to do it with great speed (the telling part) but now it takes me forever since I'm mindful of coming off as diplomatic as I can be in that type of communication.
My feelings really were lying here... I was a loyal, close, very supportive friend for many, many years and to drop me is in serious bad taste. Screw you and arrivederci.
For some reason we decided to watch When Harry Met Sally this weekend and I think the movie helped me understand something I didn't realize previously. That no matter what I think/thought about the friendship with Jack, his wife thinks about it entirely differently. No matter that for eleven years we were strictly friends and NEVER were we in an even remotely romantic situation, I'm forever an ex-girlfriend. Maybe his wife feels threatened. Maybe she would just rather cut me off at the pass, I don't know. But, I know that they don't think of me in the same way I think about myself. I'm a good friend.
Popular culture is not on my side because When Harry Met Sally and My Best Friend's Wedding all point to the same conclusion, men and women cannot be just friends. And I guess if you did previously date one another even if it was a heck of a long time ago, that status never goes away and some people are very fearful it will come up again. I guess I'll have to let it lie. Even though I never told my husband that he couldn't talk to his ex-girlfriends (but he couldn't see them without me and he has to tell me any time he contacts them or they contact him) maybe some don't have the same policy. Oh well.
Sorry for this situation, I understand how hurt you must feel. I have an ex that I have a good friendship with, but we keep it to a few emails here and there because DH doesn't like it. I wish I could be closer, because he's a good friend of mine, but you are right--DH just doesn't see it that way. Nonetheless it is painful to lose a friend.
ReplyDeleteOh the hurt of losing a friend. I have been there too. I hate that. Thank goodness though you have a new best friend in your dh:) What would we do without our dhs!
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