Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Unlucky or God thinks I can handle all this strife

This is probably a good time to tell the "What Happened When I Found Out I Had An Abnormal Pap Result."  I was at work on a Tuesday or Wednesday.  I had just thrown my husband a huge birthday party and it was a total success.  Days before we had just celebrated our first wedding anniversary.  Things were good.  We were going to start TTC, and I was so excited.  My annual exam had been almost four weeks before the phone call from Dr. Elizabeth.

So, she called my cell phone.  I was sitting in my office.  "We got your pap results back and there's an abnormal reading," Dr. Liz said, "You're going to need to see a gynecologist for this since this is beyond my expertise.  This is nothing to panic over."

I think it was the "this is nothing to panic over" that set me off.  For the next four days, I sobbed at the dinner table at home crying to my husband, "I have cancer!!!!!!"  "You don't have cancer," my husband said.  "You're overreacting."

This was when I found Dr. DoucheBag and he reassured me that the odds of having cervical cancer were virtually nothing given my long history of normal pap results.  He was pretty nonchalant about the whole thing but fairly professional in his treatment, I have to say.  I had a colposcopy which was not painful and I went back to work.  It was sent off for a biopsy and it came back with I think, CIN II/III.  I don't have the records on me so I might revise that tonight.  Dr. Douche told me about my treatment options and we went for the cryosurgery.  That lasted barely a minute and I was on my way.

So the outcome of my diagnosis did not justify my reaction to it.

That gets me to present day.  I rarely do bre.ast self-exa.ms.  Even though my father's mother died of breast cancer, I've taken a rather apathetic attitude towards self-exams.  I'm young, my breasts are ridiculously small.  Excuses.  So I end up doing the palpation thing maybe every two-three months.  And Dr. Liz does them once a year at my annual appointment.

I got a cold in New York and have felt blah ever since.  Last night, my husband was working outside the house and I laid on the bed to rest.  I don't know why I was inspired to feel myself up but I felt a very large solid mass in my right breast.  When my husband came into the bedroom, I asked him to feel it.  It didn't take him more than a second to say, "yeah, I feel it."  Then I looked down and my right breast is noticeably larger than the left, like the mass is filling out my right breast.

I decided not to panic.  I asked my husband not to talk about it since we won't know anything about my current affliction until I see Dr. Liz whom I left a message for to make an appointment this week.  It's likely nothing.  However, I'm tempted to get very annoyed at the fact that major issues crop up in my life at wedding anniversary time.  I guess God has a lot of faith in me!


  1. Well no sooner have I hit "post comment" requesting a post and you've done it! Impressive! :)

    But the subject matter is not impressive. I will increase my prayers for you, prayer partner.

    I'm working on memorizing the following prayer of Saint Francis de Sales. I've shared this with a couple people, and just find it so applicable to everything! I hope it helps you.

    "Be at peace.

    Do not look forward in fear to the changes of life: rather look to them with full hope as they arise.

    God, whose very own you are, will deliver you from out of them.

    He has kept you hitherto, and He will lead you safely through all things; and when you cannot stand it, God will bury you in his arms.

    Do not fear what may happen tomorrow, the same everlasting Father who cares for you today will take care of you then and everyday.

    He will either shield you from suffering or will give you unfailing strength to bear it.

    Be at peace, and put aside all anxious thoughts and imagination."

    Be at peace, friend.

  2. Uggh. Sorry about your discovery. Praying that it is nothing!

  3. I'll pray for you!

    Hope for the best.

  4. Oh no!! I will say a prayer for you right now!

  5. Thank you, all three for your prayers and concern. I'm seeing Dr. Liz tomorrow morning and a mammogram and ultrasound are probably in my immediate future. Since I'm now an expert in enduring endless medical tests, this additional problem shouldn't be too bad. Thanks, ladies!!!!

  6. Prayers a coming! Please keep us updated!!!!! Our Lady of Perpetual Help, pray for Airing!