Decisions

My mother's making her strange comments again.  "Even though IVF isn't approved by Catholics, you wouldn't have to tell anybody right or report it?"  "Yes, Mom that's true but I've told you before we're not doing it."  Then I gave a sort of crude reference to the male donation process.  I've become much happier when I've stopped listening to my mother.  I swear being in my thirties is the best phase of life (so far.)

But we're really getting the "are you pregnant yet?" message from all sides.  Friends, co-workers (his), in-laws (mine).  I feel like we're the project that never gets finished.  You know what I mean?  What I love about my husband and why I am attracted to him is that he is not at all susceptible to peer pressure.  If he does something, he does it because he wants to, not because his buddy said to do it.  I'm essentially the same way; no sororities for me in college.

That said, we're not living in a bubble and we fully understand other people's expectations.  But I'm more concerned with my own.  I sure get tired of this crap.  I feel like I'd be more authentic by just stopping all together.  No more trying.  It's not fun to try month after month and keep getting rejected.  I have my pride.

I've decided that if I'm not pregnant this cycle (I'm lookin' for a miracle here), I'll go see the RE I was looking at last year.  Sure, she's gonna run the same story by me but I know myself, what I've been through, and what we're willing to do.  I'll lay it out.  We play by our rules or we don't play.  Ah, self-determination.  It feels so good.