Torn

Should I be patient?
Do I feel anxious because I'm competing against someone else?
Do I need to calm down?
What are the virtues of asserting my desires?

Last night and this morning, I've asked myself about a thousand times different variations of these questions.  Chiefly, today is CD3 and I've got to decide to continue to take the 25mg or bump myself up to 50mg.  I do remember Dr. S.tigen saying how she'd want me to do 25mg for four months, I think and if we didn't get pregnant I'd move on to Femara.  Now, I know nothing about Femara and am not feeling good about taking that drug.  I don't have a very good reason why I feel that way other than thinking we'll just run through the "Catholic" drugs until something works.

I'm pretty sure 50mg of Clomid is considered the starter dose since the pills only come in 50mg tablets.  Maybe she's concerned about killing CM?  I know the surgery was only five weeks ago but by the time I ovulate this month, I'll be seven weeks out.  I want any medical intervention to work!!!!  I did not go through all that testing and surgery to find out that my body systems are pretty darn normal and then just hang out and see what happens.  I haven't heard any doctor explain to me why I'm not getting pregnant.

So, I called Trixie and asked her to ask the doctor if moving to 50mg today was OK.  I told her I needed to know today.  If I don't hear back, I'm not sure what I'll do.  I missed the P+7 blood draw last cycle so maybe I didn't give the 25mg a fair chance?  This sure would be a lot easier if I had someone local to do the follicle monitoring.

I was patient for seven months.  I didn't start infertility testing until we'd had seven tries.  This isn't normal.  Normal people get pregnant within a couple months.  I want action!