Monday, December 27, 2010

I wanna act like it's all terrific.

Before the self-pity...  I've been praying for!  She was so sweet to apologize to me because "my blog is so lame!"  Never say you're sorry!!!!  I held her up in prayer and hope she saw some fruits of that.  And thanks to Christina at Faith for Fertility who prayed for me despite her own pain during Advent; a true saint!

Back to feeling sorry for myself.  The title is not true, actually.  It used to be that way for me but I'm tired of hiding the depression.  I told my MIL on Christmas Eve that I'm pretty much depressed all the time.  It's a combination of winter (I hate winter) and the infertility.  My husband is constantly asking why I'm depressed and tells me that I shouldn't be depressed because I have such a great life.  He doesn't realize there's no "should" in depression.  I've been meaning to call the shrink I used to use several years ago.  Depending on how TTC #15 turns out, I'll decide whether to press forward.  It can't hurt.

My patience for my family and friends is very low.  They seem to think I care about the mundane details of life like Christmas gifts arriving on time, the quality of the food I made, etc.  I think about writing an email to them telling them not to take my lack of interest personally, but I can't be motivated to do that.  It might be forced into it since I haven't spoken to my brother in over a year (he was deployed.)

Today is P+9.  I missed the P+7 blood draw because it was on Christmas Day.  Maybe next month.


  1. HI Airing- I am sorry things are well, for lack of a better word - kind of crappy right now. I appreciate your honesty and will be praying for you. I am not sure if you are the hugging type, but if you is one from far away in MN - or at least a pitiful attempt at one! (Hug)

  2. I am sorry to hear you are having a rough time. I hope calling the doctor is helpful. I will be sending extra prayers for grace your way!

  3. I started seeing a psychologist. It's really helping.