Wednesday, December 8, 2010

I'm a bad cat companion

Trixie called and said in order to prescribe a HCG trigger, I'd have to be doing daily ultrasounds to know when the trigger would be done.  She also wanted me to use B-6 and add Mucinex.  I can't acquire the B-6 in time for this cycle [Thank you for the advice on where to get it below!!!] and I'm not at all wanting to try Mucinex again since it made the CM really watery last time.  I think this all makes me HATE the almost singular focus of NaPro practitioners on CM.  Yes, it's what NFP is based on but did anyone think that women obsessing over it is a healthy way to go?  I'm rendered utterly insecure every cycle when I have less than 10KL AD.  If a lack of peak-type mucus is making me infertile, I'm more than willing to do an IUI and bypass this whole thing.

On to other topics, last night my cat threw up lots of blood.  She seems fine and happily goes about her lazy day but that didn't stop me from crying as a dried my hair this morning.  I took her to the vet and I got some stomach-coating stuff, they did a kitty blood draw and a urine dip stick.  The vet thinks she might have stomach ulcers and recommended a $150 x-ray but I politely declined since I know full well that ulcers are not seen on an x-ray.  I knocked a $450 bill down to $262 with careful examination.

I've had my cat for 11 years or so.  I often forget just how long we've been together because it's been a relatively easy relationship.  Sure, she's combative and frequently poops outside the box, but she's got a resilient spirit and is very friendly at people parties.  When I lived alone during my single years, she was my roommate.  Her formerly mentioned behavior angers my husband to no end and the cat is a constant source of tension between us.  It's confusing to me because before we got married, when I lived in my apartment and my husband lived in his, he would often let the cat lie on his lap, lay on my bed and cuddle with her, and he'd do the baby-talk thing.  I have videos of this which I watch from time to time when I need a reminder of happy memories.

After we got married, my husband tried to put all kinds of restrictions on the cat.  She couldn't come inside the house, she should be an outdoor cat (for eight years, she was an exclusive indoor cat), and he would refer to her as "my cat" and not "our cat."  He even sometimes makes a kicking motion very near to her which upsets me.  I'm an animal person and my husband is not.  He can't be perfect, I guess.

For the last few years, I've been terribly neglectful of my faithful companion.  Yes, I shelter her and keep her warm in the cold, feed her good kitty food, make sure she has plenty of fresh water, and care for her litter box but I don't spend nearly any time with her when I get home from work at night.  She deserves better than me and it really makes me feel like a failure.  I love her in theory but am not strong enough to put that into practice.

So while this causes me great pain, I try to put things in perspective and realize that marriage is sometimes a total downer and I didn't get married to a person who was going to agree on how to care for and treat animals.  Apparently, this was not a deal breaker for me.

In my angry moments, I tell my husband that I'll resent him heavily when the cat dies.  I've resigned myself to the idea that I'll never have another pet while my husband is alive.  No amount of joy from owning a pet could make up for the grief I get about caring for one.  It's just the way things are.

1 comment:

  1. I'm sorry about your cat. I hope she feels better soon. Do you ever show your DH the videos? Maybe his resentment of the cat has to do with his wanting to care for a child compared to an animal? I don't know...just thinking "out loud" here. Have you thought of counseling/therapy to help the two of you deal with your infertility? Maybe I'm out of line here...I don't know. I only came across your blog recently. I will pray that things get better.

    Oh, and I wouldn't be too stressed about the CM - I was able to conceive my son with just 10SL - granted I remember lying in bed with my hips higher than my chest for about 20 - 30 minutes! Hahaha! The things we'll do! Maybe I missed this, but why can you not do daily ultrasounds? You live in southern CA, right? I would think there is a place relatively close that could do it. Don't give up. Stay strong in your faith. I submitted prayer requests to Immaculate Heart Radio to pray for all infertile couples. I hope all those prayers will help you!