Just as I was about to put my pantyhose yesterday morning, I saw blood. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! What the f? I really thought this our month (crazy, I know) but I had had super good mucus and we did it on the right day. Jeez. Anyway, I put on clothes I hate wearing all because I have to (black skirt suit, pantyhose, high heels.) The interview didn't start until 8:15 but I got there at 8:02 and they pounced on me.
I figured they would give me a writing test. This has happened before however what hasn't happened before is that I was supposed to give a five minute presentation to a panel of people I hadn't laid eyes on yet. Since I'm pretty experienced chairing meetings, giving long, short, medium presentations to all types of people I wasn't so much scared, just a little annoyed that hadn't bothered to give the candidate any notice. Nothing like walking into the unexpected to make people feel relaxed.
So, I did the writing (and not like you can tell by reading my blog but when I really try, I can be a bad-ass writer; my husband tells me so) and they ushered me into a conference room, I put down my classy briefcase, shook the panel members hands and did my talk. I hadn't brought in my water bottle from the car and I was pretty parched after 45 minutes in the little, warm room so by the time I was done with my presentation, I had cotton mouth. There was a water jug, the kind where you screw the top on to reveal the hole, at the end of the long conference table. I eyed it. I asked if I could pour myself a cup. They said yes.
But there was too much ice in the jug and it kept blocking the water trying to get through the hole. I didn't want to struggle with it especially when they were staring at me not saying a word. So I got just enough water to wet my palate and I carefully rationed my water for the next 30 minutes. I should mention one of the guys had a Styrofoam coffee cup, a Thermos, and a plastic water bottle directly in front of him. I guess no one could bother to pour me a cup.
As soon as I described what happened next, you'll easily be able to figure out what industry I work in. These interviews are not what you'd call friendly or "let's get to know one another." No, they grill you in turn. The first person asks three questions, the next person asks three questions, etc. They told me at the beginning there would be 10 questions and I can't remember who took the 10th question. What was really whack was that although there were paper plaques in front of the panelists, with their names and the organizations, they didn't describe what they actually did. And this was important to me because none of the panelists worked for the company. Not one. Like the company couldn't bother to send one staff member??? All the questions I had prepared related to the company and none of these people could answer them. This was not about us liking each other. This was about them "approving" me. I hate that. It's insulting and totally unnecessary.
I had lots of questions I made up on the spot but by 9:45, time was called. I was ushered out as quickly as I had been ushered in although the actually very nice HR person told me she'd get back to me by Monday as to whether I passed the performing monkey test (my description) or not.
Happily, I didn't have to wait that long and just found out that I am a good monkey and I'll be asked back to talk to real, actual company representatives. Wow!
Now, the goal here is to just get a job offer. I am not even certain I want this job. It pays worse and has worse benefits than my current job. And I like my current job. I've never, ever looked for a job when I had a good one that I liked and didn't really want to leave. So, this is pretty twilight zoney to me. Prayer is in order.