...fear of change? I always say I love change. It's what makes me feel alive. But now that change is all around me, I think I just love change once it's over. Uncertain change is what I don't like. Despite having an awful dream (nightmare) and waking up depressed after my husband left at 4am, I got my mojo back by 8am. I've already applied for two jobs today. The first one looks pretty good for me and when I saw the ad, the opening closed on September 10th. Thinking I had lots of time to complete the application because my brain is still in August, I looked at my watch and said, "Oh, shit, today is September 10th. Better get a move on." Now, I remember what I hate about applying for jobs; applications these days take several hours to complete. But like any good Gen Yer, I am trying to apply and then let go. Write the best dang cover letter you can and forget about it. Don't dream about the move, dream about a new office, dream about the new job and people. Let it go.
I proudly told my husband on the phone at lunch how proactive I was this morning. I told him all I'm trying to do is get back to my baby. My baby left me and I'm going to get to him. I'm sure, definitely sure I'll slip back into worry sometimes but I'm determined to embrace this new life experience. It hurts to leave a place where your ties run deep. They do for us here but I'm not doing myself any favors by harboring sadness. No, I won't be doing the master's program here. That's on the back burner for now. It will come back around when I am ready.