I think I'm spent. I'm still thinking about it; how to evaluate how I feel. But at this point I feel pretty confident in saying that my trooper days are coming to a close. I'm tired for the time being. What I told my husband I couldn't do, finally came to fruition. I cannot maintain two households.
I told my husband that just before he departed. I wouldn't clean two homes. I wouldn't do all the shopping for two houses.
Because my husband for at least the next six weeks is working 15 hour days, six days a week (yes, you read that right 15! hours a day, 6 days a week), he is understandably not able to do lots of things for himself. When I worked in my first high-pressure career, we all joked that we needed a wife to pick up the dry cleaning, make dinner, gather the kids from school. Everybody who works a lot needs a personal secretary.
But I can't be my secretary and his at the same time. Let me explain. I had the first interview for this job last Thursday. I drove three hours on Wednesday night, drove three hours home Thursday morning, then drove back three hours on Friday night, then drove home on Sunday night. Now, for the second interview tomorrow, I will start driving circa noon tomorrow and had originally planned to take Friday off work and come home Sunday. Now, I'm thinking about coming home Thursday night and going to work on Friday.
I have all kinds of administrative things to do this weekend. Paying bills, working on taxes, etc. I can't do that at my husband's place because there's no internet access and all the paperwork is here at our house. Everything we own is here except for a few pairs of pants, shirts, boxer shorts, and socks for my hubby in his new location. So to plan for doing all the administrative stuff would take at least two hours to gather up stuff tonight so I'm ready to go to work in the morning, bright and early.
If I stayed with my husband the whole weekend, I'd have to pack up all the perishable food in the fridge so I could eat it there. We are trying very hard not to eat out on the weekends although we did break down and get a pizza last Saturday. Either way, I am still bringing some food I picked up for DH on Monday.
The kicker for all this was, even though my husband would be at work for the entire day Friday and Saturday he said, "If I want to be helpful, I could do some grocery shopping since he's out of food." Now, I know this is not entirely true, he does have some food in the fridge but what a stab to the heart! If I want to be helpful?????? My nightmares are about not being responsible so do you not think being helpful is a major life priority for me?
Despite the obvious attempt to manipulate me, I told him that he had to take some responsibility for himself. He can't wait for me to clean his toilet (which I did last Saturday because he hadn't done it since he moved into the guest house and which took me all of five minutes) and vacuum his carpets. But I told him he had to do these things for himself. He had to find the time. I couldn't do it for him. I already clean two toilets here and vacuum this carpet in our house. He said he would. I really believe however, that toilet will not be cleaned again. :(
So, I'm not quite sure what I'll do tomorrow. My option is to wear my regular work clothes to work in the morning, change into sweats for the drive, drive to the in-laws, change into my pants suit all before the afternoon interview. Will I have enough time? Is the the rigga marroo worth it. Should I just suck it up and wear my suit all day and carry the sweats in a bag for the eventual drive back tomorrow night or Friday morning? UGH!!!