One of my favorite quotes/exchanges from Anne of Green Gables is this (forgive me, I'm doing this from memory):
Anne: I can't help but fly on the wings of anticipation; it almost pays for the thud.
Marilla: Well, I'd rather walk calmly along and avoid both flying and thud.
I think that pretty much sums up the TTC experience. And my priest brought up this sentiment in confession yesterday when I broached the infertility subject. He knows we're infertile but I try not to talk about it since the first time he told me I needed to relax. I don't hold that comment against him, because 99.9% of all people an infertile talks to are completely and utterly ignorant and have no idea how to be sensitive. Well, this time he told me not to get my hopes up. Which is very interesting since most of the trouble I get myself into these days (let's be honest, wild anticipation abandon has always been my downfall) is anticipation-related.
I'm not sure how or if I'll ever not have hope we'll be pregnant one day. This is not a genuine quest for motherhood; I just want to know if our bodies work correctly. I'm flat out curious. "Curiosity killed the cat." OK, I'm not walking the virtuous road most of the time. The charting stopped a long time ago but I make a halfhearted attempt to keep track of my cycle. While I never know the peak day and only pay attention to the most completely obvious signs of fertility, if I even go a few days past 28 (remember, I'm the sucker who always has regular cycles) I start feeling a little bit of hope. False hope, of course and it still makes me sad.
In other news, I'm super excited about this weekend. We are going to be an An.gel C.ouple at a Retrouvaille session. I'm thrilled that my husband is as excited as I am about the service opportunity and we also get the benefit of working on our own marriage which is always time well spent. Lots of couple that go to Retrouvaille are in pain and I'm praying for healing and for God to touch the married couples we spend time with this weekend and everywhere.