I started to write (and got about 2/3s of the way through) my latest reflection on infertility. I think it was pretty profound with lots of discussion on cognitive dissonance and other fancy psych terms. However, after mulling over the consequences of posting it, I've decided against it. What am I doing? I said I wasn't going to write about it anymore. I long passed the point where infertile blogs are helpful to being detrimental. This is entirely my fault. I'm the one reading the blogs because curiosity reigns. But if I'm going to be at peace with my situation, I need some separation.
So, I'm praying I will focus on the myriad of other issues in life that are fun and interesting to share and discuss. Hey, it's only January 9th and we've gone on two big hikes. Why am I not writing about that? Proper perspective is the key to sanity and I'm going to try very hard and diversify my topics.
This is a very good point. I hope my commenting here is not undermining the "separation" of which you speak (let me know if so, please), but I decided early on that I would talk about lots of things besides infertility on my infertility blog, since I was on no specially aggressive schedule of treatment (i.e., there is not always much to say on the subject), and my whole concept was that living life if you're infertile should involve some understanding of who you ARE, not just what you're DOING (taking drugs, doing tests, and having surgery - what fun). Obviously, the who-you-are-as-an-infertile-woman idea is yet different from the who-you-are-as-a-woman-(infertility-be-d***ed) idea, and the latter is where we all need to get to some time, God willing. I wasn't there when I started my blog and I'm not there yet, but I think I'm getting there. And backsliding some days. ANYWAY, from that limited vantage, I can clearly see that the separation is healthy. For me, separation from mothers and pregnant women is at least as necessary as separation from the mourning of infertility (a place I still often am myself) in finding peace of mind, but I understand that from your perspective this is no longer so, and so I imagine in my case it might not always be so either. So what I'm saying is - I think that's a very interesting point, of which I am just starting to have a glimmer of understanding. I'm sure I would have been fascinated by your thoughts on the subject, but I think I understand your decision not to make them the topic of a blog post, too.
ReplyDeleteAmen! Amen! Amen! You've obviously captured what's taken me awhile to discover and I so much appreciate your ideas. I was backsliding and felt very disturbed by that not recognizing that emotions are not linear. I guess that's why my husband is always so confused. "You're always changing your mind on infertility," he says.
ReplyDeleteI think it was last year or so but you made it clear there were some things you were not willing to do, i.e. driving too far out of your area to see a doctor. And you got slammed for that, I think. I think I questioned your judgment! What I didn't realize early in treatment was there would be a point I would be unsuccessful and going further would be gambling more than I was comfortable.
I could post what I was going to. I like what I wrote. :) But, I guess it's just an idea that was new to me but not new to you which is now pregnant infertiles probably don't understand what it's like to stop treatment and being around them online is counterproductive. I'm trying to be happy, that's all.