I've really have no one else to tell this story to, so I'll tell the internets. It's been a rough two weeks but I persevere. I'm proud of that. I struggle with my feelings of loneliness but I get through. That's something.
Ok, David Hasselhoff. Some years ago, I watched, I think it was the E! True Hollywood Story on Baywatch. I remember two things about that. One, the tall, skinny brunette actress said that Pamela Anderson made ten times more than she. Two, that some women were trying to "get with" David Hasselhoff somewhere and he said that he wouldn't go for it because "you're either married or you're not and I'm married." For some reason, I have a vivid memory of him saying that.
Fast forward to this morning. There's a guy who works for a competitor and we see each other often in meetings. Over the past five years since we met, we've had lunch a few times. We are friends.
We saw each other at a meeting this morning and as I walk to my car he says, "If you're around this weekend, maybe we could have a drink." "Well, my husband will be in town so it will have to be the three of us," I said as I closed my car door.
I knew instantly as I drove back to work that gaul dang it, I had to have THE CONVERSATION. I left him a message and waited for his call. He called back about 45 minutes later. I explained that although I like him and enjoy talking to him about our industry and work, I am married and we shouldn't see each other socially, i.e. for lunch anymore. Sure, we'll see each other in professional settings but no socializing will take place. He asked if he said something that offended me. I said no. Things were just getting to the point where something bad was going to happen if I took him up on his offer at a meet-up in a bar. So, that's why no meet-ups in bars.
I'm a little ashamed (maybe a lot ashamed) it got to the point of having that conversation, but I figure (so soon after the fact) that once you're married, your feelings don't go away, they just have to be dealt with in a mature, ethical way and if you have to tell someone to back off or get the hell away, you should do so. So I tip my hat to David Hasselhoff because "you're either married or you're not, and I'm [most certainly] married."
I am sitting here thinking what to right and the things that went through my mind were "way to go!", "way to have a backbone", "way to maintain your integrity"...but they all sound so trite. I do mean all of those things, but this post struck a deeper chord with me. It brought to mind a Dear Abby column that I read recently about "emotional affairs" and how they can be just as dangerous as physically adulterous affairs. In this age of the internet and the ability to bare our souls to everyone anytime, anywhere via social media, it is no wonder those types of affairs are on the rise.
ReplyDeleteI don't really have a point to all of this, but it is just a good watch-out and reminder for me to pray even more for my marriage, for my friends and family's marriages, and for the state of marriage in this country in general.
And by the way, if I am ever faced with that situation, I hope I handle it with as much grace and dignity as you did.
P.S. (And by bareing your soul - I don't mean you, I just mean in general. I didn't get the sense that you have bared your soul to anyone but your husband in the sense that I am talking about above in terms of the emotional affairs.) Okay, I am just going to stop writing now.
Thanks, M for leaving your comment. I was just about to login and delete this post. Why? Because for some reason, I get this feeling that my readers don't get me at all. My humor, my sense of reason, my ideas, etc. So, thanks for being a good friend!!!
ReplyDeleteI have been a lurker(wow that sounds creepy) on your blog for about a month or so. I just wanted to say that I love how candid and honest you are, you are so brave. That being said, good job handling that situation! I had no idea David Hasselhoff said that, good to know that some people especially in Hollywood still value marriage.
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