Sunday, May 19, 2013

Love is a Decision

I'll be on a blogging hiatus for a few weeks.  I'll catch everybody up when I return.  However, after such a dramatic, depressing last post, I owe ya'll a sunnier picture.

It didn't start out on a promising note.  Yesterday, on a drive together, we were discussing divorce terms.  The conversation reached a crescendo when my husband said, "I'm holding you back.  You are free to move to a big city, get an indoor cat, have a kid on your own terms."  

It all sounded so great.  My mood instantly lifted.  What he had said is everything I want.

But, then it made sense.  The Devil was firmly entrenched in my life.  I don't hear much about the Devil in the Catholic church.  Maybe it's just my parish community.  Maybe you talk about the Devil all the time.  But, I remember in my Protestant churches, we always talked about temptation in terms of the Devil beckoning us.

If I hadn't had the surge of happiness in the middle of these dark moods the past several weeks, I don't think I would have realized what was happening to me.  

I remembered back to our wedding when our favorite deacon read the gospel reading.  I personally had chosen it because I wanted my husband, my family, and everyone gathered to know that marriage was permanence to me.  The passage was Mark 10: 1-9.  This is actually titled the Divorce passage.  

And here I was on Sunday, May 18, 2013, after nearly a mere five years of marriage, I was practically giddy about divorce.  

There was some calm silence in the car.  As we approached our destination, I said to my husband, "So, we made some pretty dramatic statements.  What do we do now?"  He said, "I don't know."  And then more silence.  

Mercifully, my husband said, "If we are both willing to make this work, it will work."  Slowly coming to my senses, I replied, "I want to make this work."  He said calmly, "I do, too."

Now, this was just yesterday but we made significant progress in just trying to lighten the mood, focus on good stuff, be nice to each other, etc.  I'm praying God gives me enough strength in the coming weeks to refocus on doing what He wants me to do which is stay committed to this man, put aside selfish desires, and fulfill my ministry.  

10 comments:

  1. I will be praying for both of you as well!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Marriage is work and if you both are willing to work at it..like your dh said..it will work. Praying for you.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I will add your name to my daily prayer to St. Michael the Archangel. The devil is real and he messes with us! Good thing you noticed and are on guard.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Praying for you and your DH!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Praying for you! I know there were times earlier in our marriage that my husband and I discussed divorce, and it seemed like a real option. But as you said, love is a decision, and making that choice to recommit to our marriage was the best thing we could do. We came through that time stronger; I hope and pray that your marriage will be strengthened by these challenges, too.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I think if you let yourself venture even a little down that road, it can seem like a long way back. Marriage is never easy, but you love each other and you can make it work - and be healthy and happy. I pray all of us can!

    ReplyDelete
  7. I'm so glad that you and your husband have committed to making your marriage work. I was scared for you reading the first half of this post.

    You've probably already thought of this, so forgive me if you're one step ahead of me, but have you thought about marriage counseling? I wonder if that will help you both have some tools to address the recent wounds.

    I'm praying for you and for your marriage!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Just wanted you to know I was praying for you and your husband!

    St. Raphael, defender of marriages, pray for us!

    ReplyDelete