It didn't start out on a promising note. Yesterday, on a drive together, we were discussing divorce terms. The conversation reached a crescendo when my husband said, "I'm holding you back. You are free to move to a big city, get an indoor cat, have a kid on your own terms."
It all sounded so great. My mood instantly lifted. What he had said is everything I want.
But, then it made sense. The Devil was firmly entrenched in my life. I don't hear much about the Devil in the Catholic church. Maybe it's just my parish community. Maybe you talk about the Devil all the time. But, I remember in my Protestant churches, we always talked about temptation in terms of the Devil beckoning us.
If I hadn't had the surge of happiness in the middle of these dark moods the past several weeks, I don't think I would have realized what was happening to me.
I remembered back to our wedding when our favorite deacon read the gospel reading. I personally had chosen it because I wanted my husband, my family, and everyone gathered to know that marriage was permanence to me. The passage was Mark 10: 1-9. This is actually titled the Divorce passage.
And here I was on Sunday, May 18, 2013, after nearly a mere five years of marriage, I was practically giddy about divorce.
There was some calm silence in the car. As we approached our destination, I said to my husband, "So, we made some pretty dramatic statements. What do we do now?" He said, "I don't know." And then more silence.
Mercifully, my husband said, "If we are both willing to make this work, it will work." Slowly coming to my senses, I replied, "I want to make this work." He said calmly, "I do, too."
Now, this was just yesterday but we made significant progress in just trying to lighten the mood, focus on good stuff, be nice to each other, etc. I'm praying God gives me enough strength in the coming weeks to refocus on doing what He wants me to do which is stay committed to this man, put aside selfish desires, and fulfill my ministry.