The priest announced before the beginning of Mass that the Mother's Day blessing would come at the end. I was still undecided what I would do however pretty much leaning towards joining the standing women. And I stood up feeling very good about my decision. It was a wonderful feeling having hands extended in blessing. Why this special feeling would be denied to anyone is beyond me. I and any other woman who has faithfully tried to conceive (along with a whole host of others) deserves to stand.
After Mass, an older pal was beaming at me. Uh oh. She said, "You stood up! I didn't know you are...." "I am not pregnant," I stated in a firm, steady voice. She said something after that, that I couldn't make out but clearly she was confused and rightly so. I put my arm around her and said, "It's a long story. I'm happy to talk to you about it when we have more time." And then I asked her if her kids (all grown) had called her to wish her a happy Mother's Day.
Outside the church, my husband expressed concern. "I knew when you stood up it was going to unleash a lot of curiosity." Actually, he said, "...a can of worms." "What am I supposed to say to people?" "I doubt anyone would ask but if they do, say that your wife is not pregnant and if that person is curious, I am more than happy to answer their questions." He said he was OK with that.
DH and I went to Starbucks after that and talked. "This is the beginning of taking infertility out of the shadows. I am not ashamed." We say in Retrouvaille that pain not shared is wasted pain. This is hopefully a new beginning.