Sin Fish

I turned 35 last week.  It was really one of my best birthday celebrations ever.  I took the entire week off.  Pre-infertility acceptance, I would not have done that trying to save my vacation time.  But, now that's I'm taking care of me, happy days are here again.  We took one of the motorcycles and rode up to Carmel.  The ride up was tons of fun because we took a lot of back roads and tried to stay off the freeways.  I'd only been to Carmel once before as a teenager and remembered nothing about it.  It's worth googling if you've never heard of the town or know just a little bit.  If I had my choice of living in a beach town anywhere in the world, Carmel would be it.  Given how hot it's been at home, the weather up there was deliciously cold-65 F.  We dodged a bunch of kids at the Monterey Bay Aquarium and had dinner with my crazy SIL and BIL.  She had some especially crazy things to say but this was the first time I completely ignored her and that worked out real well.

While we were getting ready to head out of the hotel on Tuesday, my sweet, dear friend emailed a picture of our dog wearing a lei and a "happy birthday" sign.  I LOVED IT!!!  So clever that I would never think of doing something like that; kind of like never thinking to prop a sign against my baby announcing how old they are, but hey, it works for some people.  Sweet dog had his eyebrows all crooked like he didn't know why he was sitting still with a sign around his neck for a photo.  Love him!!!

Big changes are ahead for us.  My husband decided to take the far-away job.  The job close to us is still hemming and hawing so we had to pull the trigger.  I'll switch to a 9/80 schedule at work (very difficult for me as I've always worked five days a week) so I'll drive up to see him on the three-day weekends and he'll come home on the two-day weekends.  He'll be living in the guest house on his parent's property.  Am I excited about him living so close to his mother and father?  No.  However, we will make it work.  Lots of people do.  I'm so proud of him, of us for getting through this entire year of unemployment.  There were dark days and through our faith in God, we survived.  I'm grateful.

Rhetorical Question

I didn't realize I was asking a rhetorical question in my last post.  Obviously, this excludes MFAW.  Sure, my post could be considered highly controversial and even rebellious in the ardent Catholic blogosphere but where's the dialogue people?  Are we only fans of cheering on posts that are lock step in-line with Catholic teaching.  Maybe you don't know who Melinda Gates is?  Maybe you don't care?  Maybe I asked a stupid question that wasn't worth your time.  Like, hey, "what the heck is she doing asking if contraception is OK for destitute non-Catholics?  She's crazy."  If you have seven minutes, I still recommend you listen to the interview.  It's interesting, if nothing else.

In other news, I'm super proud of myself!!!  I rode my motorcycle to work all by myself.  First time ever!!!  And I didn't die, or even fall over.  I'm safe.

This started by me telling my husband a few weeks back that I wanted to start riding my moto to work.  Summer is a good time to do it.  School is out so no crazy parents making random U-turns on a 55-mile per hour street.  The traffic's calm this time of year.  Sure, I'd have to pack some clothes to change into and take a lunch but it was conceivably do-able.  My husband was going to follow me in a car or on his motorcycle but I'd have company.

Last night, for some reason (I guess I felt I needed a jolt) I told him I was taking the bike to work tomorrow.  He said he wanted to leave home early to get some work done on an improvement project we have going on.  I'd be alone.  I hemmed and hawed saying how difficult the logistics would be.  What would I pack?  How would I carry it all in my little backpack?  So, we decided that Thursday would be a good day to start as hubby would be able to come with.

Well, I got up this morning.  Hubby was gone and I thought for a second, "heck, I can do this.  I'm going to do this."  I packed up everything in my hiking backpack after taking out the first aid kit and bug spray.  I called my husband to tell him my plan.  I put on my jacket, helmet and gloves and I was off!

The traffic was light, the ride was relatively calm although my nervousness made me parched and my stomach queasy.  But, I was moving along fine until about a 1/2 mile before arriving at the office.  I was sitting at a light and I must have been in second because when I gave it gas, I didn't move.  The bike didn't stall.  I just hit 'first' and off I went.  Before I could get going, a loser woman was beeping at me.  Not one beep (it sounded like a toy car beep not a throaty truck so it was slightly comical) but three interrupted beeps.  If I had a free hand, I would have flipped her off.  But, in the interest of safety, I tried not to get upset.  We moved to another traffic signal and I made sure I was in first this time.  You know how there's a natural delay to go when a light turns green?  Well, this b*tch wasn't gonna wait 1/10th of a second.  She's was already beeping at me the moment the light turned green.

This, again, would have been worse if we were getting onto a road with a 60-mile an hour speed limit.  The street we were entering is 15 MILES PER HOUR.  My gosh.  I thought about taunting her for the length of the street but thought better of it, turned right at the first opportunity and hightailed it on a parallel road.  I zipped into a parking space and I had done it!!!  My husband was so moved he told me he was proud of me!!!  I think that was the first time he said that to me without being prompted.  Praise God!  I did it!     

'I'm a Catholic, but women need access to contraceptives'

Just now saw this interview with Melinda Gates on her work to provide greater access to contraception to women across the world especially in Africa.  She presents a very intelligent argument, I think.  What do you think?

I want to act like it's all terrific

I think I've used that blog title before.  But I'm too lazy to check.  No final news on the job front.  But things have calmed down quite a bit on the home front.  THANK GOD!!!!  I think that's due to two things: my husband finished fixing a motorcycle and me talking to a dear friend about just how awful that last 11 months have been for me.  If I hadn't made it clear before I spend lots of time hiding my true feelings from almost everyone but my husband.  This is far from healthy and I just realized it on Wednesday.  No, I'm not very sharp.  So, just describing to a girlfriend, in person, just how hard it's been was a huge, huge relief.  And it takes pressure off my poor husband.  This is going to take some work but I'm up for it.  Lord, please give me strength!!!

I've also started to begin to change on how I think about my marriage.  We're coming up on our fourth anniversary and almost six years together and it's time for me to mature.  I've spent a lot of time trying to recreate the magic, the passion of the past.  And not being able to recreate it has caused me so much heartache.  I've been in denial.  But, I'm now seeing the first glimpses a better marriage, not one obsessed with the past.

I'm trying to relieve myself of the bonds of selfishness, to f'ing grow up, to act like a believer in Christ.  I knew I was in trouble just last week when I was saying to myself, "Why do I need this?"  "This" being all the injustices I think I'm subjected to.  I want to get better.  I'm going to do this.

Come on home