Since I'd been gone from the blogosphere, several seriously bad things have happened in my life. I've faced disappointment, cruelty, abandonment, and betrayal from my closest family members and friends and people who purported to be loyal to me and my husband. While that reads as a dramatic statement, it is all together true. I've experienced similar events in the past but not so much all at once and this is easily the worst year of my life.
The actual events are not as relevant as the effect it's had on my spiritual life. There have been days that only by the power of God I could live through it. I pray almost constantly knowing that the promise of satisfaction and fulfillment cannot possibly come from the material world. I say this humbly in that I think I'm beginning to understand what true reliance on God looks and feels like. I've read and heard sermons that say only the truly materially destitute can understand reliance on God which is probably true but I know Jesus really understands and identifies with people letting him down in horrific ways.
In the gospel, Jesus is confronted with betrayal by Judas, witless apostles, and hostility in many places He goes. And we all know that He called out to God on the cross, asking why He'd been abandoned. I'm not comparing myself, obviously but when I pray I know Jesus understands and that means a lot. Part of the true beauty of Christianity is that God didn't send a son who was a winner, who was the triumphant king of Israel. Jesus lost a lot. My love for Him is growing deeply through this very dark time.