Friday, April 15, 2011

Commitmentphobe Phobic

I'd really like to hear your thoughts on this post.  I'm fairly confident in my feelings and evaluation of the situation, but getting a reality check is always helpful.

I guess I took Peter off my "Cast of Characters" a bit too soon since he's back.  While I was still sleeping this morning, my husband was up and about.  I heard him on the phone with someone talking about finances so I knew it was a friend and not business related.  But when I heard him say, "Stacy's the 22 year old?" that's when I got concerned.

My husband had left by the time I got out of the shower, so I called.

[Me] - Who were you talking to this morning?
[Him] - Peter.  He broke up with Kate.
[Me] - Why were you talking about a 22 year old?
[Him] - Oh, that's a girl he works with that he's [sleeping with.]  (He used a cruder term.)  Peter's coming out to L..A... in a few weeks and he asked if we wanted to go to with him.  I told him that we were all amusement park'ed out but we'd meet him for dinner.
[Me] - I'm not meeting a 22 year old for dinner. (Commentary on this below)
[Him] - He's not bringing her but a Mor.m.on he's dating.
[Me] - How could Peter be dating a
[Him] - He's not [sleeping with] her.
[Me] - I could have guessed that.  Faithful Mor.mons are not dating a guy like Peter, casually or seriously.
[Him] - You don't have to come to dinner.  I can go by myself.
[Me] - That might be a good idea.

It's not that I wouldn't have dinner with a 22 year old, I would.  Age makes no difference to me, I'll talk to a 2 year old to a 222 year old.  It's just that 22 year olds that date Peter are hardly worth having dinner with.  But, he's not bringing her but a mid-thirties M.ormon that I can guess was likely raised as a Mor.mon but is not involved in the church anymore.  Everyone on my mother's mother's side is L.D...S.  I know something about how they live their lives.

I'm not so much worried that Peter wrongly influences my husband it's just that I am profoundly, deeply offended by Peter's lifestyle.  The casual sex, the new girl every two to three years, the debauchery, the cheating, I'm not into it.  It's a good thing Peter lives out-of-state because I couldn't handle this guy more than twice a year.  So, I've decided to not have dinner with them.  I guess that's it.


  1. I agree, that would make me uncomfortable too. I hate that a lifestyle like that is part of our society but sadly you see it all over the place.

  2. I think it was a brave way for you to take a stance about something, even though it may cause tension btw you and dh and btw dh and peter. I think it is important and worth it.

  3. You're being a witness to your faith! You have nothing to apologize for!

  4. Your evaluation of the situation seems completely sensible to me!