Understanding

Since my last post, it got worse before it got better.  We're really taking things a day at a time.  Most of this process is clarifying my own values (starting a new term in my master's program - yeah! Leadership class is a major revelation) and determining now that I am almost 36 (counting the days) what is right for me.  My husband readily admits that I am more self-aware.  Sometimes what is plainly obvious to me won't become apparent to him for several months or years.  So, he's a man.  C'est la vie.

It might sound really unromantic but we decided to not live separately because we don't want the extra cost.  There.  I said it.  Separation and divorce can set both parties back financially ten years or more!  We don't want that and I have a feeling we can find a workable solution to save our marriage.  Tolerating frustration and pain is well, painful and most people want to eliminate pain as soon as possible but I'm trying desperately to show some maturity (and it is a major struggle).

We watched The Last Station last night.  I really recommend it.  It's about Leo Tolstoy, his wife, and followers in the last few months of his life.  Even my husband liked it.  But knowing a little bit about their marriage (based on their diaries), it's fascinating to look at an accomplished couple who struggled incredibly to stay married.

My husband has been making strides.  He's admitted he's been a bad husband.  He tells me he loves me.  He tells me he never wants a divorce.  He tells me he's trying to be better.

He took the clean dishes out of the dishwasher early this morning.  I mean, that's a major contribution in my book.

He's making progress on our personal business plan.  All these are good things.

And this morning, after I found at my office the landscape plans for our other house that had been "lost" for two weeks, I called my husband.

[Me] I've got good news for you.  You're going to be very happy.
[Him] You're pregnant!
[Me] Ha!  I'm still on my period.  I can't be pregnant. [I very much appreciated the humor.]
[Him] Oh, right.  You bought me that Ducati as a gift.
[Me] No, this gift is free!  It cost us nothing.

He thanked me for finding the plans.  He hasn't been a big "thank you", "I'm sorry", "Please" type of person so yes, he's making progress.  Without him trying I don't think we'd last.  But he realizes the hurt he's caused and willing to make it better.  Gotta respect that.