However, I did watch an interview she recently gave. I guess she's a reality tv person. Anyway, she does talk about her recent miscarriage and I thought she touched upon a lot of fears and pain women like us feel about infertility and miscarriage. The interviewer, once Bethenny reveals the miscarriage gives a dismissive response, "Huh," but B is clearly emotional as of course this topic is. If you want to skip to the miscarriage talk, go to 3:45.
Monday, February 20, 2012
Friday, February 17, 2012
2ww Update
It pains me to write "2ww." I haven't considered my luteal phase a two week wait for over a year, perhaps longer than that because I found it wasted time. And I deplore wasted time. One of my favorite Madonna songs (all of her songs are practically my favorite, actually), "Love Song" has a great line:
I'm not sure the progesterone insert is helpful in that the reported side effects of the drug are the exact same as early pregnancy. I'd have to chalk up any symptoms to the drug since I'm only seven days out from the trigger shot. For sure, I have tried very hard to not assume anything. Of course I do the occasional obsessive stuff like figuring out the date I'd notify my happy family of the little one and trolling blogs and reading very closely those posts that track early pregnancy, here, here, and here.
Beyond those things I'm living my life as normal. I've had a couple drinks, exercise like normal, keep contributing to my retirement funds. Nothing can stave off disappointment when you try hard to get pregnant but don't but at least, if that happens, I'll be able to look back at the last two weeks and not have any regrets.
It's the inherent sense of urgency I've adopted in my life that forces me to take action now, today and not tomorrow. I'm fortunate to have married someone who feels the same type of time pressure. And pressure's not bad in my book. What's interesting about Madonna's Like A Prayer album, it's where I learned the Act of Contrition. She recites it in the last song on the album. And back in the 80s when the album came out, I got it in a CD and the booklet was scented with some aromatic oil. This was during her whole Catholic rebellion phase (at least the start of it) so I don't know if the oil was supposed to be holy oil. When I was anointed, I don't remember it smelling so nice. Wiki chimes in:Time goes by so slowly for those who waitAnd those who run seem to have all the fun
The packaging on the first pressings of the CD, cassette, and LP were scented with patchouli oils to simulate church incense. A publicist for Warner Bros. Records said, "She wanted to create a flavor of the 60's and the church. She wanted to create a sensual feeling you could hear and smell."OK, back to present day. I've been taking the progesterone since Sunday. My mood hasn't exactly been great, I'm a little jittery but maybe that's because work this week has been very busy and our lives are filled with an inordinate amount of administrative details that require almost constant attention. The only physical side effects of the progesterone (or something else) is melasma, aka pregnancy mask. But the weird part is it's only on my left palm. It looks like orange self-tanner gone wrong. Thankfully, I can hide it.
I'm not sure the progesterone insert is helpful in that the reported side effects of the drug are the exact same as early pregnancy. I'd have to chalk up any symptoms to the drug since I'm only seven days out from the trigger shot. For sure, I have tried very hard to not assume anything. Of course I do the occasional obsessive stuff like figuring out the date I'd notify my happy family of the little one and trolling blogs and reading very closely those posts that track early pregnancy, here, here, and here.
Beyond those things I'm living my life as normal. I've had a couple drinks, exercise like normal, keep contributing to my retirement funds. Nothing can stave off disappointment when you try hard to get pregnant but don't but at least, if that happens, I'll be able to look back at the last two weeks and not have any regrets.
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Hurt
The great thing about modern communication technology is that you can flip someone off virtually. I think I mentioned that Dr. Sti.gen has a "patien.t p.ortal" whereby patients can access records, get health information, email the doctor, make appointments, etc. While that might seem handy is today's busy times, it feels like a way for the doctor to keep their patients at arm's length. I just wanted to talk to her but they were going to charge me $25 to do it. I can talk and even visit my RE for FREE.
I have orders for P+7 blood draws to measure progesterone and estrogen. They are from Dr. St.igen. I used the portal to email her asking if I could use the order and would she kindly call me with the results. That's all I wanted and I thought it was a simple request. And now I'm reminded why I quit her and NaPro technology. This was her response:
I have orders for P+7 blood draws to measure progesterone and estrogen. They are from Dr. St.igen. I used the portal to email her asking if I could use the order and would she kindly call me with the results. That's all I wanted and I thought it was a simple request. And now I'm reminded why I quit her and NaPro technology. This was her response:
[ATC], You should ask the RE who is treating you to order and interpret the blood test for you - he/she is the one who should be monitoring what your response to the medications are. In general, I don't do hormone testing or interpretation except for patients undergoing NaProTechnology treatments. Sincerely, Dr. Sti.genNow, I understand the overall message. She's not the prescribing doctor for the drugs I'm on, so I should get blood draw orders from that doctor. Cool. Great. But the second sentence I took as a sort of "F*ck U, you're not doing NaPro, so no assistance for you." I would have appreciated a little more customer service like, "Let me know if there's anything I can do for you," or "Let me know if you have any questions." I'm hurt by the "I don't do this [full stop; end of story.] She did operate on me, I did try her NaPro treatments. They just didn't work and didn't get me pregnant. I'm not bitter about it but it sure sounds like she's bitter I'm not doing NaPro anymore. I haven't done anything inconsistent with Church teaching but if it's not in the right box, she doesn't want anything to do with me. The Christian love is palpable.
Monday, February 13, 2012
Maybe I Need a Twitter Acct
I have a bunch of little things today. Can I keep it to under 140 characters?
- I'm just not into it today. It's cold, windy, rainy. I just want a piece of chocolate cake, a cup of warm cider, and snuggling with my man under a warm blanket.
- I started the Endometrin suppositories last night. They look just like big pills but in the morning they turn into a delightful cream.
- My lower back was hurting this morning. I didn't want to read too much into that if there's anything to read into about lower back pain mid-cycle.
- NOVA has a great science documentary about conception and pregnancy that I'm sure we all saw as teenagers. But, I think it's worth checking out if you've already seen it or not. The photography is mind-blowing. Reproduction is clearly God's creation. With how complicated it looks(and all the different ways the process can go awry) , I'm amazed anybody gets pregnant. Link here: http://video.pbs.org/video/1841157252/
Friday, February 10, 2012
Dipping my toe
I did a little blog housekeeping. I took some stuff down that sounded pretty aggressive and subsequently received no comments. When will I learn that ya'll want to hear about my latest pie recipe, not my unladylike rants? There are a bunch of drafts that I just keep for a little private diary, but I have no doubt that Google is trolling my private posts to find better ways to sell me things I don't need. OK, so I'm still a cynic.
Yesterday I started to realize I was a public infertile blogger with a private mindset, a total oxymoron. So, I should share for the good of the group. I hesitated to share this (and might actually take it back at some point, sorry) because I was really getting into my arguments for accepting childlessness and because of infertile blogger solidarity, a mindset I very much believe in.
Of course I don't want to betray the latter but I think these are facts worth sharing and documenting.
It all happened so fast. At about CD 3, I was feeling pretty good. I wrote about treating myself a bit more gently and that really made a difference in my mood. The idea of talking to the RE again was gaining traction in my little mind. I told my husband about this on CD 4 and called the doctor that day. I had barely uttered the words, "I think we're ready to get started...." She said, "well, you're supposed to start the medication on day 3." Oh, great. But apparently CD 5 was also a definite possible starting point so I locked up the hubby and we drove to see the doc last Friday morning.
The protocol was fifty micrograms (I think that's the measurement) of Follistim from CD 5 to the first u/s on CD 11. Depending on what the first or possible subsequent ultrasounds revealed, I take a trigger shot (Ovidrel.) My husband started out giving me the injections (in the thigh) but then I got the hang of it. Besides, he's not always around so I had to do it at some point. There was really no pain from the injections and my mood was pretty darn good on the Follistim. So, I have no complaints. I didn't have to pay for the Follistim, just the Ovidrel and that set us back $135.
I was worried and shared my concerns with a fellow blogger that the RE, not being Catholic, was not at all Creighton minded so having the first u/s on CD 11 seemed darn premature. I have never had a peak day that early and was anxious I was just wasting my money on an early ultrasound. None of this infertility stuff is covered by my super not-so-great insurance. Being budget conscious, I have a special little fund for these expenditures. Well, I was bolstered by the fact that peak-type mucus started on CD 9! And it's been really great for four days. Praise God, I have been doing a lot of Hail Marys. CD 11 was yesterday and I had the u/s done at my local hospital, the same place where we did the SA, blood draws, and baseline u/s.
It took a fair amount of time to explain to the staff what the heck I was doing. What's a follicular ultrasound? The first receptionist asked me if my bladder was full. Um, it's transvag, so that's not necessary, doll. The u/s tech was the same one from a year and a half ago. She was very sweet and even called a friend of hers that worked in a fertili.ty cl.inic to explain what she was to look for. Even though I'd complained bitterly about transvag u/s, it wasn't that bad especially because I was hopeful and curious about the follicle sizes.
The tech didn't give me any measurements but did show me a few images and yeah, the follicles looked big. I followed up with the RE and she asked me if the tech told me the sizes? "No, was she supposed to?" Well, that would have been helpful to get the info ASAP. I guess the hospital had to have their radiologist prepare a whole dang report on my u/s. I called them four times throughout the day imploring them to hurry it up and get the report to my doc. Will a preliminary report work? YES! Fax it!
My doctor was vague about the results yesterday afternoon just telling me to take the trigger shot and start having s*x pronto (but we'd already started when fertile mucus appeared.) Then on Sunday, I'll start taking progesterone to "support the pregnancy." While that was sure a nice thing for an infertile to hear, it didn't quite compute since conception is a nebulous concept to me.
So, the obvious question at this point in the story is Where do you want your husband to be when you take the trigger shot? If you said two and a half hours away from his sweetie, you'd technically be wrong but that's where he was. Send blessings to my husband he drove home early this morning (got up at four am) to join me in renewing the marriage covenant.
As to the foregoing, I think we have our bases covered, I hope and pray. I'm very grateful this has been a fairly easy and pleasant process. Even if we don't get pregnant, I hope I remember that the process was at least a good experience and that's something to treasure no matter what. I'm not sure why I was so afraid to move forward with treatment for so long, I guess I just wanted to be able to get pregnant without needing augmentation. And last year was just a bad year that I needed time to clear my head a bit. And we had a bunch of trips that precluded a pregnant me participating.
Before I forget, here are the stats: left ovary had one follicle just 12mm in size. The left had four, the largest two at 23 and 17mm. So, all the burden's on the lefty. The doc wants me to take a pregnancy test on CD 26. I don't need the torture of someone saying, "I'm very sorry, you're not pregnant" so I think I'll just let it play out. I have some orders for a P+7 blood draw from Dr. St.igen. I should probably give her a heads up before she gets a test result out of the blue from a woman she hasn't heard from in a year.
I don't know what's going to happen. Just have to pray for the best. But, like I said this has been a positive experience so I'm very grateful for that. And that can stand on its own. Since I started charting for this cycle and hadn't in a great many months, I posted a little snippet below. You might notice a little "2009" at the top which is when my charts were transferred to Excel, a very long time ago.
Yesterday I started to realize I was a public infertile blogger with a private mindset, a total oxymoron. So, I should share for the good of the group. I hesitated to share this (and might actually take it back at some point, sorry) because I was really getting into my arguments for accepting childlessness and because of infertile blogger solidarity, a mindset I very much believe in.
Of course I don't want to betray the latter but I think these are facts worth sharing and documenting.
It all happened so fast. At about CD 3, I was feeling pretty good. I wrote about treating myself a bit more gently and that really made a difference in my mood. The idea of talking to the RE again was gaining traction in my little mind. I told my husband about this on CD 4 and called the doctor that day. I had barely uttered the words, "I think we're ready to get started...." She said, "well, you're supposed to start the medication on day 3." Oh, great. But apparently CD 5 was also a definite possible starting point so I locked up the hubby and we drove to see the doc last Friday morning.
The protocol was fifty micrograms (I think that's the measurement) of Follistim from CD 5 to the first u/s on CD 11. Depending on what the first or possible subsequent ultrasounds revealed, I take a trigger shot (Ovidrel.) My husband started out giving me the injections (in the thigh) but then I got the hang of it. Besides, he's not always around so I had to do it at some point. There was really no pain from the injections and my mood was pretty darn good on the Follistim. So, I have no complaints. I didn't have to pay for the Follistim, just the Ovidrel and that set us back $135.
I was worried and shared my concerns with a fellow blogger that the RE, not being Catholic, was not at all Creighton minded so having the first u/s on CD 11 seemed darn premature. I have never had a peak day that early and was anxious I was just wasting my money on an early ultrasound. None of this infertility stuff is covered by my super not-so-great insurance. Being budget conscious, I have a special little fund for these expenditures. Well, I was bolstered by the fact that peak-type mucus started on CD 9! And it's been really great for four days. Praise God, I have been doing a lot of Hail Marys. CD 11 was yesterday and I had the u/s done at my local hospital, the same place where we did the SA, blood draws, and baseline u/s.
It took a fair amount of time to explain to the staff what the heck I was doing. What's a follicular ultrasound? The first receptionist asked me if my bladder was full. Um, it's transvag, so that's not necessary, doll. The u/s tech was the same one from a year and a half ago. She was very sweet and even called a friend of hers that worked in a fertili.ty cl.inic to explain what she was to look for. Even though I'd complained bitterly about transvag u/s, it wasn't that bad especially because I was hopeful and curious about the follicle sizes.
The tech didn't give me any measurements but did show me a few images and yeah, the follicles looked big. I followed up with the RE and she asked me if the tech told me the sizes? "No, was she supposed to?" Well, that would have been helpful to get the info ASAP. I guess the hospital had to have their radiologist prepare a whole dang report on my u/s. I called them four times throughout the day imploring them to hurry it up and get the report to my doc. Will a preliminary report work? YES! Fax it!
My doctor was vague about the results yesterday afternoon just telling me to take the trigger shot and start having s*x pronto (but we'd already started when fertile mucus appeared.) Then on Sunday, I'll start taking progesterone to "support the pregnancy." While that was sure a nice thing for an infertile to hear, it didn't quite compute since conception is a nebulous concept to me.
So, the obvious question at this point in the story is Where do you want your husband to be when you take the trigger shot? If you said two and a half hours away from his sweetie, you'd technically be wrong but that's where he was. Send blessings to my husband he drove home early this morning (got up at four am) to join me in renewing the marriage covenant.
As to the foregoing, I think we have our bases covered, I hope and pray. I'm very grateful this has been a fairly easy and pleasant process. Even if we don't get pregnant, I hope I remember that the process was at least a good experience and that's something to treasure no matter what. I'm not sure why I was so afraid to move forward with treatment for so long, I guess I just wanted to be able to get pregnant without needing augmentation. And last year was just a bad year that I needed time to clear my head a bit. And we had a bunch of trips that precluded a pregnant me participating.
Before I forget, here are the stats: left ovary had one follicle just 12mm in size. The left had four, the largest two at 23 and 17mm. So, all the burden's on the lefty. The doc wants me to take a pregnancy test on CD 26. I don't need the torture of someone saying, "I'm very sorry, you're not pregnant" so I think I'll just let it play out. I have some orders for a P+7 blood draw from Dr. St.igen. I should probably give her a heads up before she gets a test result out of the blue from a woman she hasn't heard from in a year.
I don't know what's going to happen. Just have to pray for the best. But, like I said this has been a positive experience so I'm very grateful for that. And that can stand on its own. Since I started charting for this cycle and hadn't in a great many months, I posted a little snippet below. You might notice a little "2009" at the top which is when my charts were transferred to Excel, a very long time ago.
Monday, February 6, 2012
Treating Myself Better
I often say I don't have many regrets. And that's generally true. I know that personal growth is a journey not a eureka moment where somebody declares that they've figured it all out. But when I arrive at some point of wisdom that had previously escaped me, of course I look back and wish I'd known then what I know now. I feel confident enough to declare that I'm starting to learn how to take better care of myself.
That's funny for me to read since I'm pretty self-aware and have a healthy dose of self-centeredness. That selfishness, however is married to a strong sense of responsibility. I care deeply about appearing trustworthy, competent, and responsible. My greatest nightmares are about letting people down and I'm desperate to get somewhere to do my job but no matter what I try in the dream, I can never get there. I wish I just had falling dreams.
Since I started working when I was 21, I've been denying myself time away from work to find calm or spend time with my family. When I worked in D.C., my grandfather was dying and I flew back to CA to see him but did not return for the funeral. I do regret that. I left that job happily in 2005 and rarely think about that job and I'm sure my ex-boss or co-workers don't think about me. I should have been wiser about that situation.
I've often put my health on the back burner to be at work and get there on time. But, this last cycle, for the first time, I did not deny myself. The night of CD1, I was in a lot of pain. I couldn't sleep so I read on the couch in the den for a couple of hours and finally the aleve kicked in and I felt tired enough to try and sleep. Normally, I would have woken up at the regular time and despite the exhaustion, I would have been to work on time. This time, I felt strongly my sleep came first at least for a couple hours. So, I emailed my boss and came in a couple hours late. Nobody died, the work got done, and life went on.
Despite the obvious disappointment of the situation, I felt the more I attended to my needs, it made everything better. And I started to take things one day at a time, philosophically-speaking. I've felt better emotionally this time than I have in a long time and I hope I can extend myself enough grace for that feeling to continue.
That's funny for me to read since I'm pretty self-aware and have a healthy dose of self-centeredness. That selfishness, however is married to a strong sense of responsibility. I care deeply about appearing trustworthy, competent, and responsible. My greatest nightmares are about letting people down and I'm desperate to get somewhere to do my job but no matter what I try in the dream, I can never get there. I wish I just had falling dreams.
Since I started working when I was 21, I've been denying myself time away from work to find calm or spend time with my family. When I worked in D.C., my grandfather was dying and I flew back to CA to see him but did not return for the funeral. I do regret that. I left that job happily in 2005 and rarely think about that job and I'm sure my ex-boss or co-workers don't think about me. I should have been wiser about that situation.
I've often put my health on the back burner to be at work and get there on time. But, this last cycle, for the first time, I did not deny myself. The night of CD1, I was in a lot of pain. I couldn't sleep so I read on the couch in the den for a couple of hours and finally the aleve kicked in and I felt tired enough to try and sleep. Normally, I would have woken up at the regular time and despite the exhaustion, I would have been to work on time. This time, I felt strongly my sleep came first at least for a couple hours. So, I emailed my boss and came in a couple hours late. Nobody died, the work got done, and life went on.
Despite the obvious disappointment of the situation, I felt the more I attended to my needs, it made everything better. And I started to take things one day at a time, philosophically-speaking. I've felt better emotionally this time than I have in a long time and I hope I can extend myself enough grace for that feeling to continue.
Friday, February 3, 2012
Drop Kick Me Jesus
Has anybody ever sung, "Drop Kick Me Jesus Through the Goalposts of Life?" No, man it's the best! I have always loved Super Bowl Sunday ever since I was a preteen and threw up M&Ms because I ate just too damn many. We are keeping the party small this year and with very close family (just like an intimate wedding) and I'm preparing the food, somebody else is doing the beer. On the menu is:
- Pita crackers with mango salsa and guacamole
- Cucumbers, radishes, mushrooms, tomatoes, broccoli, and cauliflower with ranch greek yogurt dip
- Shrimp sliders and cheeseburger sliders
- Some kind of dessert, perhaps those yummy peanut butter/chocolate cupcakes
It's going to be a great weekend. Although I had wished my husband would have sprung for game tickets at Cost.co.com, I can understand he was deterred by the $9K price tag. It's sad not getting what we want.
Thursday, February 2, 2012
Fools Rush In...
I have seriously written and rewritten this post three times, and they are all saved as drafts. Maybe I should get rid of it and let it go? My problem is that writing is a bittersweet experience for me. I often go back to things I've written before and have a little ego party thinking "dang, I'm cool." I apparently completely forget about what it took to develop and express clever ideas or took for granted I wasn't constrained by or wouldn't censor myself because of what my audience would think. I really didn't care what they thought because I wasn't representing anybody but me and I was unapologetic. I miss those days like super crazy.
And I'm an inefficient writer. I edit as a go. No stream of consciousness, no write it all out and edit later. I write very slowly because I organize and think in the moment. It's better to make an outline I know but my brain won't go there at least for blog writing. Clearly, in my job I use a lot more discipline. And I really care about form. I want my stuff to be easy to read, not too long, semi-organized writing. But I'm trying to do this frickin' post differently since I actually want to hit the "publish post" button.
I feel very uncomfortable about what's transpired in them thar parts the last couple weeks. Somebody wrote about how she's exhausted by the abortion and HHS contraception issue discussions. I wish I remembered who it was and I'd link it. Things got really ugly between people. Really gross. If you are a gentle soul that escaped this time by blogging about your baby or the events in your actual life, good on you. I wish I were you. But, I get kind of excited about civic affairs and I'm too stupid to leave well enough alone. It's really that simple.
I was harking back to a time of blissful innocence when you could debate ideas, even religious ideas and not be told you have no right to call yourself a Christian. I got into some pretty intense discussions, OK, it's coming back to me.... I belonged to an Anglican Church and the young adults got together to write a "code of Christian ethics." And it was for us, our little big church! The joy of officially decentralized religion. This was all presided over by a priest, a married one with children and I remember very intelligent and sincere talks about how we thought God was directing us and how we felt about what that meant for our daily lives and relationships. I'm starting to feel 23 again.
What I clearly didn't realize when I started the process to be confirmed in the Catholic Church and I swear what they didn't say in the RC.IA class (but what I later affirmed) was the dogma we expect Catholics to accept and support might be so unfamiliar to you that you'll believe you're living in an alternate universe. I'm stating a fact here so do not assume I'm criticizing the Church. I'm trying to explain the clear differences between Catholics and everybody else. I bet a lot of Catholics don't realize how different they are because they haven't really experienced another Christian denomination. Christianity without encyclical letters and additional teachings clearly makes a belief system much less complicated. You might respond that Church teachings are based on biblical sources so it should mean there's a fundamental uniformity to Christian beliefs but I'd reply that biblical interpretation is less than a straightforward and an agreed upon process. But maybe you know about other denominations and you still think your Catholic beliefs are working for you and should work for everybody else. And that's good!!! I am happy for you.
But what I'd said earlier about being able to debate ideas (yes, ideas, thoughts, opinions, totally separate from an action) in the Catholic blogging space has been fraught with disturbingly aggressive attacks. And it's giving some Catholics a bad name or reinforcing the idea that "you are either with us or you're against us." And that is very far from what I think all sentiments Christians should project and how we should be treating one another. And it's not where I want to be when I feel bad about my infertility which is the real reason I'm on the web. If I felt qualified to just talk about Catholic theology, I'd say that but I don't. I'm not here for that. I said this way back in 2010 (a lifetime ago) that some level of Christian compassion should be extended to those around us even if they disagree with us! I hate to reference John 13:34 but it sure seems appropriate to me now. "So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other."
You might say that's a cover, it's a way to not defend the faith, it's "hiding behind the guise of compassion." You might even be so bold to say I shouldn't be a Catholic. So be it. You're not my priest, you're not my confessor, you're not God's spokesperson, you're just an overly opinionated Catholic and a sinner just like me. Let's pray for one another and please play nice in the sandbox.
And I'm an inefficient writer. I edit as a go. No stream of consciousness, no write it all out and edit later. I write very slowly because I organize and think in the moment. It's better to make an outline I know but my brain won't go there at least for blog writing. Clearly, in my job I use a lot more discipline. And I really care about form. I want my stuff to be easy to read, not too long, semi-organized writing. But I'm trying to do this frickin' post differently since I actually want to hit the "publish post" button.
I feel very uncomfortable about what's transpired in them thar parts the last couple weeks. Somebody wrote about how she's exhausted by the abortion and HHS contraception issue discussions. I wish I remembered who it was and I'd link it. Things got really ugly between people. Really gross. If you are a gentle soul that escaped this time by blogging about your baby or the events in your actual life, good on you. I wish I were you. But, I get kind of excited about civic affairs and I'm too stupid to leave well enough alone. It's really that simple.
I was harking back to a time of blissful innocence when you could debate ideas, even religious ideas and not be told you have no right to call yourself a Christian. I got into some pretty intense discussions, OK, it's coming back to me.... I belonged to an Anglican Church and the young adults got together to write a "code of Christian ethics." And it was for us, our little big church! The joy of officially decentralized religion. This was all presided over by a priest, a married one with children and I remember very intelligent and sincere talks about how we thought God was directing us and how we felt about what that meant for our daily lives and relationships. I'm starting to feel 23 again.
What I clearly didn't realize when I started the process to be confirmed in the Catholic Church and I swear what they didn't say in the RC.IA class (but what I later affirmed) was the dogma we expect Catholics to accept and support might be so unfamiliar to you that you'll believe you're living in an alternate universe. I'm stating a fact here so do not assume I'm criticizing the Church. I'm trying to explain the clear differences between Catholics and everybody else. I bet a lot of Catholics don't realize how different they are because they haven't really experienced another Christian denomination. Christianity without encyclical letters and additional teachings clearly makes a belief system much less complicated. You might respond that Church teachings are based on biblical sources so it should mean there's a fundamental uniformity to Christian beliefs but I'd reply that biblical interpretation is less than a straightforward and an agreed upon process. But maybe you know about other denominations and you still think your Catholic beliefs are working for you and should work for everybody else. And that's good!!! I am happy for you.
But what I'd said earlier about being able to debate ideas (yes, ideas, thoughts, opinions, totally separate from an action) in the Catholic blogging space has been fraught with disturbingly aggressive attacks. And it's giving some Catholics a bad name or reinforcing the idea that "you are either with us or you're against us." And that is very far from what I think all sentiments Christians should project and how we should be treating one another. And it's not where I want to be when I feel bad about my infertility which is the real reason I'm on the web. If I felt qualified to just talk about Catholic theology, I'd say that but I don't. I'm not here for that. I said this way back in 2010 (a lifetime ago) that some level of Christian compassion should be extended to those around us even if they disagree with us! I hate to reference John 13:34 but it sure seems appropriate to me now. "So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other."
You might say that's a cover, it's a way to not defend the faith, it's "hiding behind the guise of compassion." You might even be so bold to say I shouldn't be a Catholic. So be it. You're not my priest, you're not my confessor, you're not God's spokesperson, you're just an overly opinionated Catholic and a sinner just like me. Let's pray for one another and please play nice in the sandbox.
Monday, January 30, 2012
OK, I signed it.
I'd like to insulate myself but heck, I read the news all day long, so it's virtually impossible. I signed a petition asking HHS to rescind the requirement that Catholic employers cover contraceptives for their students/employees. How did I get there? I read this article this morning and like almost all NYTimes articles that allow comments, I read the comments (before there were nearly 1,000.) Like all online thingies, some comments are stupid others intelligent and that's cool. But, there is this thing called "NYTimes Pick." That means the New York Times gurus themselves selected your comment as particular noteworthy. Well, they picked this comment as a standout and I didn't get it at all.
I kind of agreed with the second sentence but since I hardly ever check what's being published on the Vatican website on current wars, global conflict, etc., I couldn't support this claim. I am pretty sure the Pope condemns violent conflicts so I left this alone. But the first sentence was just flat out outrageous. I mean, the Obama administration is trying to force Catholic employers to cover contraceptives in their insurance plans. And some students at Catholic schools are protesting their schools protests against the mandate.
To me it's simple. If you disagree with Catholic teaching, don't go to a Catholic school and expect them to change their mind about their beliefs and conform to your's or Obama's. If you want birth control, go to a secular doctor and pay for it like everybody has had to do since the 60s. I predict like lots of people the Administration is going to lose this fight.
- SR
- Las Vegas
NYT Pick
FLAG
As a Catholic I am ashamed. The Church has no right to impose its points of view on other people. More important, there is no comparable condemnation of the greed, or exploitation, or of bringing unjust wars to name a few. This shows how important is to keep a strict separation between religion and state.
I kind of agreed with the second sentence but since I hardly ever check what's being published on the Vatican website on current wars, global conflict, etc., I couldn't support this claim. I am pretty sure the Pope condemns violent conflicts so I left this alone. But the first sentence was just flat out outrageous. I mean, the Obama administration is trying to force Catholic employers to cover contraceptives in their insurance plans. And some students at Catholic schools are protesting their schools protests against the mandate.
To me it's simple. If you disagree with Catholic teaching, don't go to a Catholic school and expect them to change their mind about their beliefs and conform to your's or Obama's. If you want birth control, go to a secular doctor and pay for it like everybody has had to do since the 60s. I predict like lots of people the Administration is going to lose this fight.
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Like a Teenager?
A Blog as Therapy for Teenagers
By PAMELA PAUL
THE GIST Blogging is therapeutic for teenagers.
THE SOURCE “The Therapeutic Value of Adolescents’ Blogging About Social-Emotional Difficulties,” by Meyran Boniel-Nissim and Azy Barak.
IN the days before the instantly pinged “OMG Where R U?,” the first words many teenagers composed during their fretful moments were “Dear Diary.” After several paragraphs of spewing onto paper adolescent angst about cafeteria slights, unreciprocated crushes and oversize thighs, the diarist often felt better.
Research has long backed the therapeutic value of diary-keeping for teenage girls and boys. But according to a new study, when teenagers detail their woes onto a blog, the therapeutic value is even greater. Blogging, it seems, can be good for you.
The study, published in the journal Psychological Services and conducted by Meyran Boniel-Nissim and Azy Barak, psychology professors at the University of Haifa, Israel, found the engagement with an online community allowed by the blog format made it more effective in relieving the writer’s social distress than a private diary would be.
To track teenagers’ experiences with blogging, the researchers randomly surveyed high school students in Israel and selected 161 of them (124 girls and 37 boys, a significant gender skew) who exhibited some level of social anxiety or stress. The teenagers, who averaged 15 years old, said they had difficult making new friends or relating to their existing friends.
And so to the Internet. The teenagers were divided into six groups. The first two groups were asked to blog about their social difficulties, with one group asked to open their posts to comments. The second two groups were asked to blog about whatever struck their adolescent fancy; again, with one group allowing comments. All four groups were told to write in their blogs at least twice a week. As a control, two more groups were told to keep either an old-fashioned print diary or to do nothing at all.
All of their blog entries were then pored over by four psychologists to determine the authors’ relative social and emotional state. In all the groups, the greatest improvement in mood occurred among those bloggers who wrote about their problems and allowed commenters to respond.
Interestingly, the commenters on the blogs were overwhelmingly supportive. “The only kind of surprise we had was that almost all comments made by readers were very positive and constructive in trying to offer support for distressed bloggers,” Dr. Barak wrote in an e-mail.
The findings may hold in the real virtual world as well. “I definitely write posts in which I talk about being overwhelmed, and it helps me to relax,” said Royar Loflin, a 17-year-old blogger from Norfolk, Va., who did not participate in the study. Though her blog, “My Life as a Young Southern Prep,” includes everything from fashion to book reviews, Royar also writes about the stress of her junior year.
“People will write in the comments, ‘I remember when I was in your shoes’ ” and ‘Don’t worry — you’ll get through the SATs!’ and it’s wonderful,” she said. “It really helps put everything into perspective.”
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Working it Out
The Retrouvaille weekend went great. There were a few logistical hiccups but I don't think the participants really noticed or at least they didn't say so on the evaluations forms. One of the most repeated comment was, "I wish we'd known about the program sooner." I'm really grateful to God and the wonderful people who spread the word about Retrouvaille but also a little sad more people don't hear about it in their parishes.
I guess this is a good time for a question. Have you heard about Retrouvaille from your parish or diocese, from a pulpit talk or a posting in the bulletin?
We've adopted Retrouvaille as our ministry. It best fits our gifts and what I pray God wants us to do with our time. Every marriage will hit a roadblock and many more will hit lots of roadblocks. If both spouses are willing to take the necessary steps, marriages can be preserved and really thrive. What the priest said this weekend is that God created us to be lovers, to find joy in one another and I love the fact that my husband and I have a very playful relationship and hope others can find the same. God Bless all the couples who were with us this last weekend and I pray for their marriages to thrive!
UPDATE: I should point out that the Retrouvaille program is somewhat similar to Marriage Encounter but I find the former much more inspiring and helpful. Retrouvaille recognizes that married people go through disillusionment and misery. Retrouvaille is a place to find relief from the disillusionment and misery, not just to learn how to communicate or spend time alone together. I find the program respects the sincere feelings we all have and teaches us to communicate respectfully to our spouses. So, if I had the choice between the two, I'd go to Retrouvaille.
I guess this is a good time for a question. Have you heard about Retrouvaille from your parish or diocese, from a pulpit talk or a posting in the bulletin?
We've adopted Retrouvaille as our ministry. It best fits our gifts and what I pray God wants us to do with our time. Every marriage will hit a roadblock and many more will hit lots of roadblocks. If both spouses are willing to take the necessary steps, marriages can be preserved and really thrive. What the priest said this weekend is that God created us to be lovers, to find joy in one another and I love the fact that my husband and I have a very playful relationship and hope others can find the same. God Bless all the couples who were with us this last weekend and I pray for their marriages to thrive!
UPDATE: I should point out that the Retrouvaille program is somewhat similar to Marriage Encounter but I find the former much more inspiring and helpful. Retrouvaille recognizes that married people go through disillusionment and misery. Retrouvaille is a place to find relief from the disillusionment and misery, not just to learn how to communicate or spend time alone together. I find the program respects the sincere feelings we all have and teaches us to communicate respectfully to our spouses. So, if I had the choice between the two, I'd go to Retrouvaille.
Friday, January 20, 2012
Don't Get Your Hopes Up
One of my favorite quotes/exchanges from Anne of Green Gables is this (forgive me, I'm doing this from memory):
Anne: I can't help but fly on the wings of anticipation; it almost pays for the thud.
Marilla: Well, I'd rather walk calmly along and avoid both flying and thud.
I think that pretty much sums up the TTC experience. And my priest brought up this sentiment in confession yesterday when I broached the infertility subject. He knows we're infertile but I try not to talk about it since the first time he told me I needed to relax. I don't hold that comment against him, because 99.9% of all people an infertile talks to are completely and utterly ignorant and have no idea how to be sensitive. Well, this time he told me not to get my hopes up. Which is very interesting since most of the trouble I get myself into these days (let's be honest, wild anticipation abandon has always been my downfall) is anticipation-related.
I'm not sure how or if I'll ever not have hope we'll be pregnant one day. This is not a genuine quest for motherhood; I just want to know if our bodies work correctly. I'm flat out curious. "Curiosity killed the cat." OK, I'm not walking the virtuous road most of the time. The charting stopped a long time ago but I make a halfhearted attempt to keep track of my cycle. While I never know the peak day and only pay attention to the most completely obvious signs of fertility, if I even go a few days past 28 (remember, I'm the sucker who always has regular cycles) I start feeling a little bit of hope. False hope, of course and it still makes me sad.
In other news, I'm super excited about this weekend. We are going to be an An.gel C.ouple at a Retrouvaille session. I'm thrilled that my husband is as excited as I am about the service opportunity and we also get the benefit of working on our own marriage which is always time well spent. Lots of couple that go to Retrouvaille are in pain and I'm praying for healing and for God to touch the married couples we spend time with this weekend and everywhere.
Anne: I can't help but fly on the wings of anticipation; it almost pays for the thud.
Marilla: Well, I'd rather walk calmly along and avoid both flying and thud.
I think that pretty much sums up the TTC experience. And my priest brought up this sentiment in confession yesterday when I broached the infertility subject. He knows we're infertile but I try not to talk about it since the first time he told me I needed to relax. I don't hold that comment against him, because 99.9% of all people an infertile talks to are completely and utterly ignorant and have no idea how to be sensitive. Well, this time he told me not to get my hopes up. Which is very interesting since most of the trouble I get myself into these days (let's be honest, wild anticipation abandon has always been my downfall) is anticipation-related.
I'm not sure how or if I'll ever not have hope we'll be pregnant one day. This is not a genuine quest for motherhood; I just want to know if our bodies work correctly. I'm flat out curious. "Curiosity killed the cat." OK, I'm not walking the virtuous road most of the time. The charting stopped a long time ago but I make a halfhearted attempt to keep track of my cycle. While I never know the peak day and only pay attention to the most completely obvious signs of fertility, if I even go a few days past 28 (remember, I'm the sucker who always has regular cycles) I start feeling a little bit of hope. False hope, of course and it still makes me sad.
In other news, I'm super excited about this weekend. We are going to be an An.gel C.ouple at a Retrouvaille session. I'm thrilled that my husband is as excited as I am about the service opportunity and we also get the benefit of working on our own marriage which is always time well spent. Lots of couple that go to Retrouvaille are in pain and I'm praying for healing and for God to touch the married couples we spend time with this weekend and everywhere.
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Weekend Round Up
- The dinner party was a total success with the exception of burnt garlic bread. The hubs did a great job scraping the black off and we ended up eating the whole thing. Re-heating the lasagna I made Saturday morning worked. All it took was 45 minutes on 350 degrees. In terms of the company, it's always fun. There are so many classic Chip and Kate moments, I can laugh easily by recalling the memories. This time, Kate would so dominate the conversation, Chip would get very serious and say, "Kate, can I please say something for once." "Sure," Kate would say. Then she pause for two to three seconds and start talking again. :)
- MLK Day weekend has always been kind of big for me. It's the weekend I first met Jack. That was seventeen years ago this year. Wow.
- One of the advantages of being childless (and there are lots): accepting an impromptu invitation for dinner tonight at Kate's. Chip's out of town and DH has a meeting tonight so it's just us girls, a bottle of wine, and the jacuzzi.
- The cupcakes turned out great. They really needed to cool down before eating since the peanut butter cup in the center had a tendency to stick to the wrapper. I just used Duncan Hines Devil's Food cake mix, Trader Joe's milk chocolate peanut butter cups, Betty Crocker Butter Cream frosting, and some Skippy crunchy peanut butter. Make the cupcakes according to the directions, once the cups are filled up, just push the peanut butter cup into the batter. It doesn't need to be pushed all the way down. Let it cool completely before frosting. I just added a bunch of peanut butter to the frosting and blend. It's really to taste how much peanut butter to use. Eat just one cupcake a day!
- I looked back at last year's January posts and yes, I did post about my co-workers talking about weight loss and exercise. Gosh, it's annoying. Don't they ever recall they start the year with the same gusto and fizzle out quickly. Besides, taking up yoga will not cause you to lose weight. Every time, they start in again on their boot camp routines, I throw on my coat and take a walk around the block. I'm a little annoyed that my weight was higher than it has ever been since November, 123.4 lbs. I'm trying desperately to be sub-120. Perhaps a little less lasagna, wine, and cupcakes will do the trick?
Friday, January 13, 2012
Dinner Party
We're having a some friends, a couple, over for dinner tomorrow. They're not childless, they have two but those kids are grown, heck, they are my age and those kids have kids. Thankfully, they are all out-of-state and don't get in the way of our partying! Chip and Kate are youthful, fun, love to drink, love to dive, and love Jesus. What's not to love about them?
The menu is lasagna, garlic bread, a salad with butter lettuce and a red wine vinaigrette. My boss encouraged me to make the lasagna tonight since of course, it's always better the next day. I've made the recipe dozens of times but have only reheated it for myself or the hubs in the microwave. Making this elegant by reheating in the oven might be a bit of a challenge. I just recently figured out what I'd do for dessert. I'm addicted to chocolate and slightly less addicted to peanut butter. So, I found a recipe for chocolate peanut butter cup cupcakes with peanut butter/vanilla frosting. I'm already getting a high just thinking about it.
This photo belongs to Cheers to Happy. Thank you, ma'am and I will update everyone on the result. I'm bummed I'm going to miss Tebow play tomorrow since the party will be on and we don't have a TV!
The menu is lasagna, garlic bread, a salad with butter lettuce and a red wine vinaigrette. My boss encouraged me to make the lasagna tonight since of course, it's always better the next day. I've made the recipe dozens of times but have only reheated it for myself or the hubs in the microwave. Making this elegant by reheating in the oven might be a bit of a challenge. I just recently figured out what I'd do for dessert. I'm addicted to chocolate and slightly less addicted to peanut butter. So, I found a recipe for chocolate peanut butter cup cupcakes with peanut butter/vanilla frosting. I'm already getting a high just thinking about it.
This photo belongs to Cheers to Happy. Thank you, ma'am and I will update everyone on the result. I'm bummed I'm going to miss Tebow play tomorrow since the party will be on and we don't have a TV!
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