Monday, November 29, 2010

Back to regular news

During a meeting today, it occurred to me that I need to be doing P+7 blood draws.  That might have been today.  Since I have a meeting with my boss in 27 minutes, I'm not terribly inclined to reschedule the meeting and rush home to get the draw order and rush to Ques.t and hope I'm back for adoration chapel at 5.  And I frankly don't want to call Trixie and ask her if P+8 will suffice.  I think I'll let this month slide.  A few days ago, my husband asked me if I thought I got pregnant this month.  I told him "no, I don't think so," because I'm not confident in the 25mg Clomid dose.  Sure, I'm using anecdotal evidence (which I despise), but I'm putting faith in 50mg as this one person I know got pregnant on the 50mg dose.

My last post on the abortion topic

First, kudos to Leila for treating people who disagree with her with such respect.  It shows what a true lady she is.  Quickly, because I don't want this topic to overwhelm my selfish personal story on my blog, I'll respond to a couple comments. (And also because Leila added another post on this topic, but I just want to move on. ;) )

From Leila:  Feminists are not conceding anymore that abortion should be a regrettable choice, but are in fact encouraging women to call it a positive good, with T-shirts and all. So, I am not sure you have your pulse on the modern abortion industry, the gender feminists, and their ilk.

Yes, you're right, I don't have my pulse on the modern abortion industry.  I realize that nearly every business seeks to make money but I do believe that some abortion providers feel they are doing a good public service.  Yes, it's true.

From JoAnna: Feeling "backed into a corner" is not a valid reason to kill a living child, so it should not be a valid excuse to kill an unborn child.

I never talked about reasons or justifications, just the reality of life for lots of women.  I believe a small minority of women having an abortion feel justified.    

Also from JoAnna:  If women feel they have no choice, how is it "pro-choice" to essentially affirm that? It seems more "pro-abortion" to tell women that they have no choice other to abort, so sign here and fork over your $$ so we can kill your baby, even though you don't want to (as opposed to giving her the resources necessary to make a different choice).

Most political terms are pure semantics.  Estate Tax vs. Death Tax.  Global Warming vs. Climate Change.  Pro-Choice vs. Pro-Life.  I'm 100% pro-life.  I also know that banning an activity doesn't stamp it out.  Unless we empower women to make good decisions for themselves in relationships, abortion will not go away.  

Christian women: let's work on compassion for each other.  

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

A response on Leila's 'abortion' post

It didn't feel good to me to let this slide without offering a different perspective.  What gets me about pro-life activists is that they frame the abortion topic on the assumed bloodthirsty nature of those seeking to protect a legal right to abortion.  I searched the NARAL website for the word "blob" and came up with nothing.  What I remember from the 80s is the "blob of tissue" argument is no longer widely used in pro-choice arguments.  I'm not sure I remember if anybody of credibility used it.

Abortion is a very controversial topic in America and most parts of the world.  And rightly so.  Even people that respect a legal right to abortion believe in working to reduce the number of abortions that occur.  So, as a Christian and a person of compassion, I think the message that we as bloggers or people that speak to larger masses is that a woman who has an abortion is likely experiencing a profound sense of pain and loss.

It's a woman who believes she was backed into a wall and had no other options.  That she was still a member of a conservative community or family that didn't want to believe she was having sex, let alone allowing herself to get pregnant.  That a man who was her boyfriend and said he loved/cared about her threw cash onto her kitchen table to pay for the abortion.  That her boyfriend said he'd kill her if she didn't have the abortion.  That her husband said they couldn't afford another child.  I've known women like that.  They are not bloodthirsty.  They are human.  And they've been severely let down by the men and the so-called friends in their lives.

I know for many women it's hard to believe that there are men out there that don't support their women.  But, it's true.  And for the woman who finds out she's pregnant and she's really scared, I don't think it serves her to have an abortion doctor murdered, to have abortion banned by the US Supreme Court, and pro-life activists holding poster sized pictures of aborted babies in her face.

We're all broken.  That's why God came to us with a merciful Christ.  Why can't we talk about how we're praying for women and extend love and compassion?  Why can't we sympathize?  I believe that 99.9% of the wrong done out there in the world is not malicious, it's more thoughtless or desperate.  I pray that women who are desperate find compassion from people that can help her.    

Men & Thanksgiving

To all the men in America that decided to schedule "game changing" meetings and events two days before Thanksgiving, piss off.  I think men feel free to do this kind of thing because they expect their wives to handle the domestic stuff entirely on their own even when their wives have full time jobs.  [I'm talking about all men besides my husband who has done a stupendous job helping around the house.]

My husband has what promises to be a three hour meeting tonight, and he's sick and he won't slow down to rest.  I normally always attend these meetings but I'm on fence given all the things I still have to do at home to get ready for the family on Thursday.  One of my husband's distant relatives past away last week and how they decided to schedule the funeral on Wednesday is beyond me.  Don't get me wrong, I pray for the repose of his soul however, if I were scheduling my husband's funeral, God strike me dead if I do it a day before a major holiday.

Because of this funeral my in-laws will be staying with us Wednesday night which means I'll be scrubbing my kitchen floor right in front of my father-in-law.  Perhaps others are more intimate with their father-in-law, but I find this humiliating.  The next two days are going to be painful.

On a fertility note, God smiled down on me and made sure I (probably) ovulated well before all this bad stuff went down.  We used Saturday and Monday night which I'm guessing since peak day hasn't arrived, but P-2 and peak day.  I think I was having ovulatory pain on Sunday, so Saturday is our best shot.  After all this time, I'm skeptical and totally baffled how anybody gets pregnant at all.  I know I'm generalizing but conception is a miraculous event given all that can go wrong.      

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Mo' Money, No Problems

I've been dying to see the bills for the laparoscopy.  Since I saw the insurance statements first and not the hospital invoice I couldn't be sure what the charges were for- doctor or nurse anesthetist.  I'm pretty sure the surgeon fee was the one around $1,200 and the anesthesia, $850.  What blew me away was the "drugs" cost, $34,000!!!!

Naturally, my insurance company paid about 5% of that cost and rejected the rest.  So, it's looking like we don't have to pick up anything for the surgery.  Praise God!  However, this does leave me in a bit of a pickle since I set aside $1,000 in my annual health savings account.  I've only claimed $200 so far and am pretty desperate in trying to come up with $800 in out-of-pocket costs.  This is a use it or lose it deal.

Either the 25mg dose was too low to do anything to my CM or Fertile CM is just totally rad, but I am having great CM these last two days.  Three days ago, my husband pledged about the sweetest thing ever, he offered to abstain until we saw fertile signs so as to give us a better chance.  I'm not getting my hopes up too high and the good thing about the surgery is, I feel like my TTC clock has been set back to zero.  Hope springs eternal.
“you may enjoy this one from the UK artist Banksy”

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Feeling different

Do the Clomid side effects last all month?  I've been feeling very weird the last three days.  Yesterday, I had a wave of intense, amorous feelings come over me towards my husband.  Like the feeling I had when I first fell in love.  It wasn't so much sexual but more a deep desire to be physically close and please him.  I never feel this way, which might be sad but it definitely felt chemical.  At Adoration Chapel, I had an intense prayer session.  I felt like Jesus was right next to me and I was talking (silently) away like a good buddy.

Also my appetite for food has been off.  Yesterday, I had a major craving for a bacon cheese burger.  I got that last night but felt pretty sick afterwards.  Today, despite having every food taste available at home, I racked my brain for two hours thinking about what I wanted for lunch and finally settled on a peanut butter sandwich with cottage cheese.  I'm at work but have absolutely no desire to be here.  So, I've got this flight response going.  This is not atypical of me, I typically like to flee things but this is just weird.

Anybody else had these weird things happen during Clomid?  It's the only thing I can think of that's making me feel this way.

Monday, November 15, 2010

Almost Better

Trixie called last Friday and said the endometrial cultures came back negative.  However, the doctor still wants both me and the husband to take a 21-day course of antibiotics.  My husband wants to delay the treatment until after Thanksgiving.  I'm not sure I want to do it at all.  I'm a big believer that Americans ingest way too much antibiotics especially through our food supply and doctors prescribing antibiotics at the drop of the hat.  That said, I'm very grateful for Dr. Liz who was on call this weekend and called in a prescription for Cipro for a UTI I  got on Sunday.  It would be kind of silly for my husband to take it and me not to and he's a very compliant patient so he'll want to do the drugs.  Hmmmm.

I took the 25mg of Clomid on cycle days 3-5.  I didn't feel any side effects but didn't really expect that given such a low dose.  I've got enough pills to up to 50mg but right now my plan is to do 2 months at 25mg and up to 50 after that, if we don't get pregnant.  My hubby said if I did get pregnant, we wouldn't know if it was the endometriosis removal that fostered the pregnancy or if the Clomid did it.  I told him I didn't really care what the cause or reason was, I'd just drop to my knees and praise Jesus if it actually happened.  The only snag I see this month is that I'll very likely ovulate on Thanksgiving Day and we're hosting the event at our home.  Will my husband give me ten minutes in all that madness?

Dr. St.igen told me to start taking the B6 and Fertile CM together but I'm only going to do the Fertile CM.  Fertile CM was the only thing that helped before (marginally) and I'm getting sensitive over this "limited cervical mucus" diagnosis.  My off the cuff theory is that NaPro focuses so heavily on the precise quantity of CM because that's the key to the NFP practice.  It's everything.  So, what's the big deal in having "only" 10KL 3x and the only thing anybody seems to care about is 10KL AD for four or more days?  Until I see a proven scientific study of how vitamin B6 causes more CM, I'm not won over.  Anybody have one?

I had my hair color changed on Saturday.  As usual, only one person at work has said anything yet.  It was a very light blonde but as it grew longer, I was very concerned about some women I see with really blonde hair and it looks brittle and dry.  I'd much rather have shiny, healthy hair then blonde, so I took it to a light auburn.  I like it a lot and it was a good pick-me-up after weeks of calamity.

Friday, November 12, 2010

Beat up

I must have really bad luck.  I contracted a cold in NYC that lasted two weeks in early October.  Four days before the laparoscopy, I took a relatively minor spill on my motorcycle giving me a skinned up right knee and major lower leg bruising.  Nine days ago, I had the lap/hysteroscopy and just as I was finally done healing from that I start to get what I initially thought was strep throat then a cold and now I'm pretty sure it's a major allergy attack.  I haven't exercised in two weeks.

I was going to skip the Clomid this cycle given my luckless condition lately but decided last night to pop the first pill.  I immediately got a psychosomatic headache.  Then I took a generic form of that was really a cough suppressant but I wasn't coughing.  Now I feel kind of hyped up with no specific symptoms of illness except some general jitteriness.  I'm just praying I can finally feel good and back to normal soon.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Thankful (Need some Clomid advice)

After seven days of black/brown/red spotting post-surgery, I finally have a heavy flow (thank the Lord!)  I'm concerned about labeling CD 1 because the prescription I have for Clomid is 25mg once a day on cycle days 3, 4, and 5.  For those who took Clomid, I'm curious if your prescriptions were similar in terms of days to take.  I'm going to take a shot and call today CD 1 since yesterday it was red/brown very light flow.

Dr. Sti.gen says she wants me to try the Clomid for four months, I think at 25mg.  If that doesn't get me pregnant, she wants to give me Femara.  Because of at least another blogger's experiences, I'm highly tempted to up my dose to 50mg.  I feel guilty about going non compliant but, hey, I'm motivated.

I went to the pharmacy last night to fill the prescription.  It was pretty comical.  Because it was late, the pharmacist was there by himself.  He was negotiating with me because apparently my insurance company only covers a one month supply.  Since the pills come only in 50mg tablets, he found it comical that I would only get 2 tablets.  I really wanted the flexibility of taking 50mg if I felt like it.  I asked the pharmacist how much the Clomid would be without the insurance.  For 12 pills, the cost was $40.  I took the plunge and paid for the dang thing.  It's not much money, I know but I do feel guilty for not using the insurance.

However, I'm excited to get started and hope this will finally get the help I need to get pregnant.  St. Theresa, pray for us!!!

Saturday, November 6, 2010


Hello, ladies!  I've conquered the final chapter of NaPro infertility testing.  Dr. Stig.en did the laparoscopy on Wednesday.  I was able to recover (still recovering, actually) at a wonderful house in the O..C.  The weather was amazingly warm and the ocean air was refreshing.  The incision pain is minimal and clearly the worst part of the surgery for me was the lingering CO2 gas.  The shoulder pain sucked and the pressure on my diaphragm made me feel uber stiff.  Seventy-two hours later, I'm just starting to feel back to normal although belly bloating continues to stalk me.

Stig.en found just a tiny bit on endometriosis on my left ovary so she zapped that off.  Other than that, all the organs looked super.  However, I did have endometrial inflammation so she did some cultures during the hysteroscopy and I/the husband might be on an antibiotic later this week.  I was surprised to see in the surgery video that the ovaries are stark white.  Scary.

So, she wants me to take 25mg of Clomid next cycle.  Dr. Douche actually offered me Clomid back in January but I'm pretty confident going through this whole testing thing was worth it.  Stige.n wants me to go back to charting (yeah) and taking the FertileCM and B6.  So, hopefully Clomid won't kill my already dismal CM and the supplements might actually work this time.  Back on the bandwagon.  I should be getting my period in the next few days.